Ellen DuBois Blog. Writing and Photography

Seven Months Today (Make that Four Plus Years). Missing You, Mom

by Ellen DuBois on 08/23/19

(I wrote this on the seven month anniversary of my mother's death. It's now been over four years and you know what? I could have written this today.)

It's been over four years today since you died. I guess I'm not-so-good at this grief thing.

I've been trying to find myself in my life since you left. I've been trying to see through the thick fog of missing you that clouds my glasses, skews my vision and makes the world look different. There are days when I see the beauty this world has to offer. The vibrant flowers, blue sky, ripples in the pond, a baby's smile, butterflies and more. When this happens, I know I am seeing the world much like you did. Those are the moments I feel I am healing. Seeing beauty in the world and the people around is how you saw things. That's how you taught us, through example, to live.

I know you wouldn't want me to crying over your transition seven months after the fact. I also know you wouldn't judge me for it either. You'd listen to me and then offer some words of wisdom that were packed with understanding, honesty and a spiritual wisdom that you seemed to always possess.

All you ever wanted was for me to be happy- for all of us to be happy and enjoy life.

I am trying to enjoy my life, mom. I am doing things that push my limits, like flying more even when I'm feeling anxious, riding in that fast car even when I might not feel up to it, and telling myself to just get out there and do it because life is short.

I loved the way you lived- but not as much as I loved you. I strive to be more like you in the way I live. I'm not doing the best job, but the effort is there. Plus, we're all different and that's what makes life and people so wonderful. That's why God made chocolate and vanilla. I'm me, not you, and you want me to be the best version of me possible.

Mom, I know you are living on the other side. I don't just believe it, I know it. That is not my struggle. It is your physical absence that is my struggle. It's not being able to hear your voice on the phone, see your smiling face, hug you and just know my mother is there- with my father.

You are with your Father - your heavenly father and I know how important that was to you. I know you have been reunited with all those you loved who made the transition before you. These are the things I must hold tight to. These are the things I must not only say but believe with every fiber of my being.

Isn't that what faith is? Isn't it more than a belief? Isn't it knowing all is well?

I can almost hear you saying: I am fine. All is well. Do not cry for me because I am home. Don't waste another day afraid or in tears because I am not physically there. I am always there and you know this. Wrap your mind and your heart around this, and you will feel me there. I am okay. It's okay. Now go on and live your life. Live it! Live it with love.

That really is the answer. L-O-V-E.

I'm trying, Mom, and will continue to try and get better. All my love to you, forever, Ellen.

About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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Great Fundraisers for non-profit rescue & shelter organizations!

by Ellen DuBois on 08/19/19

As the mom of a rescue dog, I value animal rescue shelters so much! without them, I wouldn't have my little buddy Cooper! Here's a picture of him:

(Picture of Cooper taken with my NikonD5200 Camera.)

These tags are a great for shelter and rescues to use as fundraisers. People love them for their pets, as gifts, you name it!

(I am an affiliate which means if you click a link a purchase something from my blog or site, I recieve a small commission at no cost to you.)

My own handmade jewelry is available on etsy: Hope Angel Bracelets.

Also great for animal rescues are these custom made Hope Angel Bracelets.

I made the ones pictured below for a wonderful rescue organization. I loved making each one of them because I knew they were being used to help our furry, rescued friends. You can order bracelets like these (depending on my stock) from my etsy shop. They make great gifts for the animal lover in your life...or for yourself! Free shipping.

 

Thanks for stopping by! Ellen

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A Sunflower Growing From the Gutter of our Roof

by Ellen DuBois on 07/18/19

What I thought was a weed growing from the gutter of our roof turned out to be a gorgeous sunflower! It's way up high and reaching towards the sun. I had to get a picture of it!

Here's another photo for better perspective:

Summer is the time of travel and endless celebrations, which means capturing those special moments and creating photo books are the perfect opportunity to showcase those memories. Create your own photo book with Blurb

If you like my pictures, I'd really appreciate it if you follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/photosbyellendubois/

About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

Note: This post contains affiliate links and I may be compensated a small commission at no cost to you if you make a purchase after clicking on my links.

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Relaxing Sunday with Cooper the Rescue Dog

by Ellen DuBois on 07/14/19

I love this picture of my dog. It captures his essense so well, at least in part. This is Cooper at his most relaxing self. A playful picture of him would have an completely different feel. But, this is very befitting of a hot, summer, July afternoon when the temps are hot and the air inside is cool.

 

Check out Samy's Camera for your camera/photography needs. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.

If you like my pictures, I'd really appreciate it if you follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/photosbyellendubois/

About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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Wildflowers, a Goldfinch and a Butterfly

by Ellen DuBois on 07/11/19

Here are some pictures I took today. I was out walking around the yard with my camera, which has become part of my routine.  

 

Check out Samy's Camera for your camera/photography needs. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.

If you like my pictures, I'd really appreciate it if you follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/photosbyellendubois/

About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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Picture This: Hummingbirds, Tiny Beauties

by Ellen DuBois on 07/05/19

Some pictures of hummingbirds I took with my NikonD5200. I love capturing images of these beautiful, tiny birds.

Waiting to sip:

Tiny Beauty (above) Tiny Friend (below):

Just look at those wings! (Above)

Hummingbird in the rain. (Below)

Hummingbird ballet. (Above)

Thanks for stopping by!- Ellen

 

Check out Samy's Camera for your camera/photography needs. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.

If you like my pictures, I'd really appreciate it if you follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/photosbyellendubois/

About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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Pictures Through the Window

by Ellen DuBois on 05/14/19

It's been so rainy here in Massachusetts. I chalked it up to (a lot of) April showers last month, but they've extended into May. The world around me is soaked. (My plants are happy!)

Thanks for stopping by!- Ellen

 

Check out Samy's Camera for your camera/photography needs. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.

If you like my pictures, I'd really appreciate it if you follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/photosbyellendubois/

About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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The Gray Catbird: Learning about birds with my Nikon

by Ellen DuBois on 05/09/19

With the arrival of spring comes all sorts of bird songs I've never heard before. Since I've been taking more pictures of birds, I've become even more curious as to what kinds I'm seeing and hearing. 

 

Thanks for stopping by!- Ellen

 

Check out Samy's Camera for your camera/photography needs. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.

If you like my pictures, I'd really appreciate it if you follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/photosbyellendubois/

About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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Spring Nature Pics with my Nikon D 5200 #amateurphotographer #Nikon

by Ellen DuBois on 05/04/19

There's so much to photograph out there! It's May 4th and although it's cold and damp, the birds are still here, the flowers are greeting us with their vibrance and short lived blossoms and green leaves are gracing the trees. I love it all. The beauty is almost overwhelming!

Cooper's Eyes

Show Off

Rest on the shore

Bird on a purple wire

Thanks for stopping by!- Ellen

 

Check out Samy's Camera for your camera/photography needs. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.

If you like my pictures, I'd really appreciate it if you follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/photosbyellendubois/

About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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Me and Cooper. Color Splash and Black and White

by Ellen DuBois on 04/20/19

Me and Cooper. Playing around with a little color splash and black and white on a windy day.

Thanks for stopping by!- Ellen

Check out Samy's Camera for your camera/photography needs. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.

If you like my pictures, I'd really appreciate it if you follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/photosbyellendubois/

About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois. I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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Perched and Pretty #goldfinch #amateurphotographer #Nikon

by Ellen DuBois on 04/20/19

Perched and pretty.

Thanks for stopping by!- Ellen

Check out Samy's Camera for your camera/photography needs. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.

If you like my pictures, I'd really appreciate it if you follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/photosbyellendubois/

About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois. I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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Balance is Key

by Ellen DuBois on 04/20/19

Balance is key...

Thanks for stopping by!- Ellen

Check out Samy's Camera for your camera/photography needs. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.

If you like my pictures, I'd really appreciate it if you follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/photosbyellendubois/

About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois. I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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Old Glory

by Ellen DuBois on 04/20/19

Yesterday (4-19-19) was windy and cloudy. You could feel the rain coming in the air and in the bones. As I drove home, taking a scenic route, the Amercian flag caught my attention. In turn, I did my best to capture it. The vibrant red, white and blue blowing in the strong winds against an ominious, gray sky seemed to beg for a photograph.

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April Buds

by Ellen DuBois on 04/17/19

I love watching the buds grow bigger, bigger, bigger. It seems they become leaves overnight! Capturing their growth with my camera proves otherwise... 

Here are a few links to check out. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.

Nikon D3300 Digital SLR Camera w/ 2 lens kit

Nikon D5 at Samy's Camera

Tamron 28-300mm f/3.5-6.3 Di VC PZD Lens for Nikon

Thanks for stopping by, and if you like my pictures, please follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/photosbyellendubois/

Hi. My name is Ellen DuBois. I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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Golden Beauty- American Goldfinch

by Ellen DuBois on 04/17/19

I've been waiting to see this gorgeous, yellow bird and he's back! The American Goldfinch certainly brightens up the day :)

Here are a few links to check out. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.

Nikon D3300 Digital SLR Camera w/ 2 lens kit

Nikon D5 at Samy's Camera

Tamron 28-300mm f/3.5-6.3 Di VC PZD Lens for Nikon

Thanks for stopping by, and if you like my pictures, please follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/photosbyellendubois/

Hi. My name is Ellen DuBois. I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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Have Camera. Will Travel.

by Ellen DuBois on 04/17/19

Whether I'm making a quick run to the store or going out for a longer time, I love to have my camera with me. You never know what you'll see and with spring here, there's loads of beauty mother nature is sharing with us!

 

Here are a few links to check out. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.



Tamron 28-300mm f/3.5-6.3 Di VC PZD Lens for Nikon

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

Comments (0)     

And Then I Saw A Rainbow

by Ellen DuBois on 04/16/19

I was out running errands yesterday. It was Marathon Monday, Tax Day, April 15th. The weather was everywhere- rain, warmth, strong winds, dropping temps. Leaving the drive-thru at CVS, I had a feeling I might see a rainbow. One of those strong feelings in your gut. 

 

Thanks for stopping by! - Ellen

Here are a few links to check out. I'm an affiliate, so if you make a purchase by clicking on one of my links, I might get a commission at no cost to you.



Nikon D3300 Digital SLR Camera w/ 2 lens kit

Tamron 28-300mm f/3.5-6.3 Di VC PZD Lens for Nikon

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

Comments (0)     

Spring's Promise in Pictures

by Ellen DuBois on 04/06/19

What a beautiful, spring day in Massachusetts. The temps were in the 60's. The sun was shining and the sky was that kind of blue that "feels" like spring. After running some morning errands, I couldn't wait to get home and walk around the yard with my camera.