because I didn't want women to feel as alone as I did after my miscarriage over twenty-years ago. There is no time frame on grief and your loss matters, as do you.
, is also available on Amazon in ebook format. Ellen DuBois Blog. Thoughtwaves.
Feeding the Birds: A Calming, Spiritual Experience
by Ellen DuBois on 01/01/18
I started feeding the birds during the summer of 2015 with a hummingbird feeder by my front porch.
It didn't take long for me to become completely fascinated by the beautiful, tiny birds. Watching them quickly sip on sugar water has not only entertained me, I've also been in awe of nature and its beauty. I've become more acutely aware of how perfectly made God's creations are.
I bought a sturdy, mesh feeder meant for various types of birds...cardinals included.
I look forward to seeing more types of birds and learning about them. I know I'll laugh when I see "Harry the Squirrel" make his way to the feeder to get "his share". I'll gently knock on the window when I think he's had enough, (he can be quite the pig). Setting up my HandyCam on a tripod so I can film my fine feathered friends is very fun- I don't know what'll be on there until I look. The shutterbug in me enjoys getting great shots with my 35mm camera. My phone is great for quick pictures and short recordings, too.
As I embark upon my bird feeding journey, I will learn more as I go along. I don't know what the best bird foods are to buy, but I know people who do. My best friend has been at this for a long time and she's already given me some great advice and tips. Another couple I'm friends with has an array of feeders, too and I'm sure they'll be giving me tips and pointers as I go along.
I think I'll go feed the birds now and enjoy the serenity watching them brings.
All Photos were taken by and are the property of Ellen M. DuBois. Please do not use without permission.
Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
I love it!
Grieving During the Holiday Season
by Ellen DuBois on 12/23/17
To all those missing their babies and other loved ones who are in Heaven, my heart goes out to you. This time of year can be tough. You're "supposed" to be happy, but may find yourself struggling with grief, sadness and perhaps feeling ovewhelmed. There are so many emotions, from joy to great sadness. I know the feeling and want you to know you're not alone. Hang in there, and I'm keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
I love you and miss you more than you know. Christmas is coming- the streets seem to glow. I hear carolers singing and see lights shining bright. It should make me warm on this cold winter night. But, I miss you my dear one. I can't help but cry. I need to slow down and sit for a while. When I close my eyes, it feels like you're here. Was that you or an angel, who just dried my tears? Your spirit warms me in the cold, winter air. I know you're beside me, even though you're not "here".- Ellen M. DuBois
Love and comfort to you,
Ellen
Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
I love it!
Are they debating about Dr. Suess on TV?
by Ellen DuBois on 09/29/17
I cannot believe it.
I cannot conceive it.
Are they debating about
Dr. Suess on TV?
They say he's a racist
and not a good person.
My God, is there anything
on which we agree?
What did it to to my poor little head
as I read Dr. Suess when I went to bed?
Was I ruined for life
because of his books?
Did I turn out so bad-
like a thief or a crook?
Melania tried to give out some books-
and she was treated like a thief and a crook!
There are places in trouble
with no power, no food!
We must gather together
for human kind's good!
So why do they accuse Dr. Suess on TV,
of being a racist to the Nth degree?
Aren't there more important
things to discuss?
Like earthquakes, hurricanes,
those left in the dust?
But a book, many books,
are at the core of the news.
I simply don't get it
and I'm not amused.
Are we such a narrow-minded society,
that we argue about Dr. Suess on TV?
It's almost laughable, but sickened, I am.
I think I will go eat some GREEN EGGS AND HAM!
Ellen M. DuBois
9-29-2017
Wrote a prayer. #PrayersForFlorida #PrayersforTexas #Prayers
by Ellen DuBois on 09/09/17
Dear God, Hear our prayers for those affected by hurricanes, wildfires, earthquakes- all natural disasters. God bless all people and animals who have been hurt, displaced, are afraid and who have lost so much. May the angels watch over and keep safe all beings who are in the path of these natural disasters. Please protect those who are aiding in rescue and clean up efforts. Help us join together as one to assist all who are in need to the best of our ability. Amen.
Ellen M. DuBois
Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
I love it!
I Survived Childhood Without a Cell Phone (and liked it!)
by Ellen DuBois on 08/03/17
I am so glad I was born at a time when technology didn't rule my life. I played outside when the weather was good, and used my imagination inside when the weather was bad. Yes, I watched TV and there were some pretty good shows on. But, I also used my God-given imagination and with the help of books, Barbie dolls, HotWheels, listening to and playing music, I had a great time- a great childhood. If I wanted to see a friend, I walked to their house, knocked on the door and asked if "so and so" could come out and play. If I wanted to play a game, I interacted with my sisters and/or some friends. We talked. We laughed! If I wanted to share something with a girlfriend, we talked face to face either outside, sitting in one of our bedrooms or on the phone, (the one with a cord attached to it and mounted onto a wall). Oh, and when that same phone rang at dinner time, we weren't allowed to talk. It was dinner time and my sisters and I were expected to eat at the table, as a family. We communicated, listened, sometimes shared a laugh and had to clean our plates because poor people were starving and the thought of wasting food was a sin. (Admittedly, I often snuck pieces of what I didn't like under the table for the dog to enjoy.) When I rode my bike for the first time without training wheels, I smashed into a neighbor's car and they didn't sue us. When my mother wanted me to come home for dinner, I heard her voice because she had to yell for me, not call or text me. Oh, and I ran. I respected that call to come in. My girlfriend and I put on shows, dressed up in my mother's clothes, and that was entertainment! I knew the pure joy of playing in the rain in the summer, (provided there wasn't any thunder and lightening), and building snow forts in the winter until my mother called us in because before we turned blue from the cold. I explored the woods behind our house in the spring and marveled at the first flowers blooming in May. Scampering through the colored leaves of fall was a blast. Raking those leaves was not- but we did it. I rode my "Dill Pickle" bike and appreciated it. If I left it on its side at the base of the driveway, I was ordered to go get it and put it where it belonged. I respected what was mine and what belonged to others. I spent my childhood looking up, down, all around, seeing tall trees, the sky, the flowers. I stared at clouds as they changed shaped and caught fireflies at night. Fireworks were an amazing Fourth of July spectacle and getting a new pair of sneakers was a big deal! I even had "school clothes" and "play clothes". Why? Because I played, and played hard. The dirt and grass stains reflected that. The kids in my neighborhood didn't know what a "play date" was. We simply went outside to see who was around. Our neighbor's pool was a welcome oasis in the summertime. Snowball fights, building snowmen and watching snowflakes fall underneath the streetlight captivated me and made me smile. When my friends and sisters were busy, I found ways to entertain myself and grow. I did my homework, practiced the organ and piano, read books, sang to my parent's 45's and 33's in the "playroom" for hours. It was a real treat when I got to stay up past my bedtime when a special was on TV. When our neighbor's got Atari, Pac-Man, Asteroids, Donkey Kong, Centipede, Pole Position and Mario Brothers were like a whole new world to me! I loved playing those games. But, there was a limit and I had to go home eventually. Those games were a treat and so much fun, but they weren't something I did every day. They weren't a way of life. Nope. I grew up playing hop scotch, scatter, tag, hide and seek, riding my bike, exploring the woods, walking to the store, going to the playground, picking up after myself, doing dishes, being with my family and so much more. I saw things some would consider simple, like rainbows, frogs, tadpoles, planes flying overhead, birds and countless other things through the eyes of a child who only knew how to look up and around, instead of constantly down at a tiny screen. And you know what? I'm so, so glad those are my childhood memories. - Ellen DuBois
Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
I love it!
What is the Best Age to Begin Piano Lessons?
by Ellen DuBois on 06/24/17
I've had many inquiries as to when a child can begin piano lessons. I want to give you my answer based on personal experience and what I've seen over the ten years I've been instructing piano to kids.
There will likely be different answers to this question, depending on the the piano teacher you're asking. As for me a child is typically ready to begin piano lessons by age 5 to 5 and 1/2.
Now, when I teach a five-year-old, I find they are ready to learn the basic concepts of music and of the keys, (high and low sounds and where they're found on a keyboard), note counting, finger numbers for playing songs, recognizing black key patterns of two and three keys, finding middle C and beginning to play songs on the black keys first, then the white. They also begin learning by finger number, and then by the note name and where it is on the keyboard. They are also introduced to the music staff, both bass and treble clef and finally the grand staff, (bass and treble together with the right and left hand playing/reading). Many times, I have to remind them which hand is right and/or left. (Different color highlighters on their music helps and wearing different color bracelets on each wrist helps, too.) Keeping their attention can be a bit of a challenge. Keep in mind, kids are all unique, just like us grown ups. My piano students all learn differently and at their own pace. They have good days and not-so-good days. I gladly adjust and adapt to my student's individual needs. In short, a child who is in kindergarten can certainly start learning how to play the piano, it's just flows better once they're able to read.
What's the big deal about reading and music lessons? A big, and I mean BIG change happens once a child learns to read. Even if it's somewhat limited, I've seen the way my students process learning change...as if a light switch has been turned on. It's magical! When a student learns to read, they actively participate in reading out of their music lesson books, most of which have fun stories and cartoon characters that go along with each piece. Reading reinforces what my students are learning, especially when they read what's in their music book aloud. They have fun doing this and I love when that "light bulb" moment happens! A deeper understanding of the principles of music begins to take shape. I've found a new level of excitement and understanding in my students about reading music and playing the piano when they can read. That's typically around the age of 6 and in most cases, first grade.
The difference: Teaching a child who is not yet reading is much more visual. I tend to demonstrate more on the keyboard and off of it. I sometimes turn to things like musical flashcards & games when I need to change it up to keep my student's attention. I also use their music theory books, having them fill in note counts, letters, etc. They enjoy tapping out rhythms, singing, naming the notes, going over finger numbers, I love developing fun ways to enrich their experience while teaching music.
When a piano student knows how to read, I often have them read what's in the lesson book out loud . They love this and I'm right by their side to help them with any words they don't know yet. As a matter of fact, many of my young students read ahead in their books so when we turn the page, they surprise me with what they've already read! I always show them how excited I am about this and their ambition to push forward both amazes and inspires me!
Summing it up: Your child is old enough to begin piano lessons by the age of 5-5 1/2. If they can read, learning is accelerated because they have a better understanding of what's being taught in their lesson book.
Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
and loves it.
Signs From the Angels In A Card From Ma
by Ellen DuBois on 06/22/17
This morning I was taking some better pictures of the necklace I hand stamped with "Mom", 1937-2015, for my Etsy listing. Although the necklace is for me, I have it in my Etsy shop as an example of what I can make for others. I moved on to cleaning out my office because it's being painted on Monday. I found a couple of things still under the bed. I reached into a bag filled with papers and cards. The very first thing I pulled out was this card. The moment I saw the very familiar writing on the envelope, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I held the card close to my heart before opening it. As I read it, the tears fell. Part grief, part gratitude. What else can I say? It was such a clear sign she is near, as are the angels.
Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
and loves it.
#signsfromtheangels #amwriting #blogging #grief #missyoumom #angels #heaven
Fairy Lights and Flowers
by Ellen DuBois on 06/21/17
Fairy lights and flowers. I was tired of seeing my flower boxes empty. So, even though it's been a long day, I'm glad I stopped to pick up some flowers on my way home. I could add more, but in a way I love the simplicity of it.
Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
and loves it.
#simplicity #amwriting #blogging #love
In The End, It Comes Down To...Love #grief #amwriting #blogging #love
by Ellen DuBois on 06/05/17
You know those moments when you come across a picture and it completely tears at your heart? Yeah. Just happened. But, faith gets you through it. Love pushes you forward, keeps you connected and dries the tears. The belief in a life so beautiful after this one cushions the ache of missing someone so much it physically hurts. Finally, the importance of treasuring every moment you have with your family- every, single one, is fully awakened. Do it for you. Do it for God. Do it because you may regret it if you don't. I loved my mother so much and miss her equally as much. Thank God she knew how much she was loved by my whole family. And we knew she loved us. In the end, it all comes down to... LOVE.
Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
and loves it.
#grief #amwriting #blogging #love
Senseless Killings by Monsters has GOT to Stop. Attack at Ariana Grande Concert in UK
by Ellen DuBois on 05/22/17
My condolences, thoughts and prayers to those hurt and killed in England at the Manchester Arena. 19 souls were lost. 50 are hurt. Many children were there with their families. Dear God. This act of what is believed to be cold blooded terrorism happened at an Ariana Grande concert in the UK. I pray for all those affected by this horrible attack. I pray for the whole world. These senseless killings by monsters has GOT to stop. Dear God help us. May we gather our strength and light from you to overpower the evil of terrorism.
Ellen M. DuBois
Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
Mother's Day: A Note To all those Dads Out There Who Are Widowers
by Ellen DuBois on 05/14/17
Just a note.
To all those Dads out there who are widowers: I am so sorry for your loss. I know Mother's Day wasn't easy for you, either. I was with my dad today and he's got three daughters who love him very much. I watched him play the same organ in the same church his wife played in for over 25 years because it means so much to him that he continue carrying the torch...for her. I saw his fingers touch the same keys his wife, his best friend for over 54 years did.
My mother was his greatest love, the mother of his children and partner on this journey called life.
He sees us missing our mother and we see him missing his wife. We all try to be strong for each other. We treasure our memories of her and take comfort in every second we are blessed to still have each other on this earth.
We do the best we can.
I know my father felt both gratitude and heartache on this Mother's Day. So, to all fathers out there who are missing the special woman you loved and the one your children called "Mom", my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Ellen DuBois
Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
and loves it.
#bereavedmothersday Bereaved Mothers, You are Remembered
by Ellen DuBois on 05/07/17
#bereavedmothersday from my heart to yours. Love and God Bless you, Ellen
Ellen DuBois is the host of Miscarriagehelp.com, a miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.
Answered Prayers: Opening My Own Music Studio Amidst The Chaos
by Ellen DuBois on 02/10/17
Pictured above: A tour of my new music studio.
At the beginning of December, 2016, I found out the music studio where I taught piano was closing on December 23rd. I felt a myriad of emotions: surprised, not-so-surprised, numb and a sense of floundering. What was I going to do?
Those thoughts were soon replaced by ones of even deeper concern on December 17th, when my father took a fall and ended up in the hospital.
Oh, and Christmas was coming.
Before my father's fall and subsequent hip and femur replacement, I knew I had to come up with a plan, or a place, to continue teaching. There was the option of going to another studio, but I knew it wasn't right for me. If I had to teach out of my home, at least temporarily, I would. However, it would be difficult with the dog barking through each lesson. I thought about teaching on the road, like my mother did years ago, but it didn't seem practical. How could I fit all my students in with the added commute?
Fast forward. I finished out my teaching days at the music studio, spent a great deal of time at the hospital with my father (from the 17th on), wrapped up my Christmas shopping, had feelers out there for a new and affordable place and prayed, prayed, prayed. I honestly didn't know how I'd find and set up a teaching studio by the time Christmas vacation was over for my students. I only knew I had to. I promised them and myself there wouldn't be a gap between their vacation ending and piano lessons resuming.
My fiance's very good friend, (a great guy), knew someone who would provide me the space. And...I could afford it. Dear God, was this real? It felt like a miracle. I believe it was. Divine intervention, if you will.
In a two week time frame my fiance, his friend, another friend and my nephew all transformed what was a space filled with old equipment, office furniture, papers, dust, dirt, you name it, into the music studio I have today. Of course I helped, too. But the heavy duty "stuff" wasn't done by me. The credit goes to them and most importantly, to God. He answered my prayers in a most wonderful, unexpected way. I have more space than I ever thought possible and with that comes so much possibility!
So, thank you to God, my fiance, his friend Kenny, Bob, my nephew Lou. Thanks to the wonderful man who provided the space and to his beautiful wife. Thanks to the people who have the space on the second floor for being so kind, helpful and welcoming. Wow. Just thinking about it fills me up.
On January 3, 2017, two years to the day since my mother's passing, I taught my first students in my new location. I had what I needed: a space, a piano, my students and me. It was important to teach on the anniversary of my mother's passing because she was such an incredible teacher herself, at the same music studio. I know she would have wanted me to continue on. With her regular nudging from Heaven, I found the will, the drive and the strength to get it done. When my father is ready, there is a piano and a room waiting for him to teach in.
So, when life seems overwhelming, hold on to your faith and your vision. There were times I felt so lost and worried. But, it all worked out and now I see so many opportunities for growth. I envision many more kids taking music lessons and having more teachers available to provide them. I want to reach out and help children who want lessons but may not be able to afford them to get them. There's so much I want to do and will do, in time.
Does it mean working towards making it happen? Yes. Does it mean people will come into my life that I never expected to and help make some dreams come true? Yes. Thank God for that and I plan on being that unexpected person for someone else who needs a helping hand. It all comes full circle. Prayers get answered.
Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
I love it!
What If, What Could Have Been, What Was.
by Ellen DuBois on 12/17/16
Some of you may be struggling right now. I want you to know I'm thinking of you and you're not alone. While this time of year can be so joyful, it can also be equally painful as we reflect on "what if", "what could have been" and "what was". I've been there and believe me, I'm still there sometimes. I remember, so clearly, all the times I wondered, "What would this Christmas be like if my baby were here?" It hurt so much. I cried so much and I tried so much. Over time, it got easier. As I grew into painfully accepting life without my baby in it, I was able to experience more joy. I never forgot my little one and never will. But, the joys I began to feel again helped balance the scales. I was able to live in the moment more, instead of in the world of "what if", "what could have been" and "what was". I'll never forget how tough it was and even today, twenty something years later, I think of my sweet, little one in heaven and I miss him. There are other losses that cut very deep, too. Christmas without my mother is not the same and the pain is still very raw - that same raw pain you feel after you lose anyone you love. So, try to go easy on yourself. Know that you'll heal over time, in your own way and at your own pace. You will probably feel a wide spectrum of emotions and that is okay. There's no right or wrong. You feel what you do and I pray you find the comfort, support and strength you need. I'll be thinking of all of you this Christmas and holiday season and holding you close to my heart. Love and light to you,
Ellen
Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
I love it!
Merry Christmas In Heaven. #miscarriage #grief #support
by Ellen DuBois on 12/13/16
To all those missing their babies and other loved ones who are in Heaven, my heart goes out to you. This time of year can be tough. You're "supposed" to be happy, but may find yourself struggling with grief, sadness and perhaps feeling ovewhelmed. There are so many emotions, from joy to great sadness. I know the feeling and want you to know you're not alone. Hang in there, and I'm keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
I love you and miss you more than you know. Christmas is coming- the streets seem to glow. I hear carolers singing and see lights shining bright. It should make me warm on this cold winter night. But, I miss you my dear one. I can't help but cry. I need to slow down and sit for a while. When I close my eyes, it feels like you're here. Was that you or an angel, who just dried my tears? Your spirit warms me in the cold, winter air. I know you're beside me, even though you're not "here".- Ellen M. DuBois
Love and comfort to you,
Ellen
Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
I love it!
Sometimes, it's hard to feel "Merry"
by Ellen DuBois on 12/04/16
I get it. I remember how tough the Christmas following my miscarriage was. All I could think about was the baby I lost. I was consumed with thoughts like:
It's hard to feel merry. It feels like the world is celebrating and I'm stuck on pause.
This should be our first Christmas together.
How can I feel happy when inside I'm so sad?
Nothing feels right. The whole world feels different.
When will I feel like me again?
I feel like I'm going to lose it.
How can I be around all these people when inside I feel like I'm screaming?
Doesn't anyone understand that I'm grieving?
I know what it's like and I can tell you that although you will never forget your baby, things will get easier for you in time. If your wounds are very raw right now, please know that your best is good enough. Just take everything one day at a time and if you need to "step away", you can.
Pray for strength. Pray for comfort. Ask the angels to surround you this Christmas and give you some peace. Take some deep breaths. What others may think about your loss really doesn't matter. You have every right to feel and in time you will heal.
Christmas was tough for me for a long time. Even now, when my baby would have been a 25 year old, I think of him, particularly on Christmas. I have an ornament hanging on the tree with his name on it. No, I will never forget my baby and I certainly don't expect you will. I hope you find some comfort in feeling your little one's spirit near you.
On the flip side, if you do find yourself smiling, or a feeling of peace and happiness surfaces, please allow yourself to feel that, too. It's a gift and even while you're grieving, you can still feel joy. As Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, "You can grieve and live at the same time." (That has stuck with me, especially since the loss of my mother.)
"Sometimes it's hard to feel merry. It feels like the world is celebrating and I'm stuck on pause. That's what grief does."- Ellen M. DuBois
My heart goes out to all who are grieving this Christmas and holiday season. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love and comfort to you,
Ellen
Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
I love it!
Thanksgiving Blessings
by Ellen DuBois on 11/24/16
I read this quote by Charles Dickens and wanted to share it with you. It seems perfect on this Thanksgiving day.
Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.- Charles Dickens
Wishing you and yours many blessings and my thoughts and prayers go out to all who are hurting in any way.
God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving!
Ellen
Just Because I Never Held You Doesn't Mean I Didn't Love You #Pailrd #waveoflight
by Ellen DuBois on 10/15/16
Just because I never held you doesn't mean I didn't love you."- Ellen M. DuBois, miscarriagehelp.com
That sums up how I've felt about the baby I loved so much and lost to miscarriage. Alex, (I named him), would have been twenty-five this November.
To all of you who have lost a baby, or babies to miscarriage, stillbirth- whatever the cause may be, my heart and prayers go out to you. I know the heartache. You are not alone. You and your babies are remembered.
I can attest that after all these years, my sweet baby has remained a part of my life. I have felt a connection with him. He's part of me and will always be.
Today, we join in solidarity to remember our babies. Our collective thoughts are filled with love, heartache, strength, hope. We find comfort in each other and find refuge in knowing none of us has walked, or is walking this journey alone.
As I remember my baby, I remember you and your baby. Today and always.
Sending you healing thoughts, prayers and love,
Ellen
#pregnancyandinfantloss #bornstill #stillborn #angelmommy #waveoflight #miscarriage #rainbowbaby #babyloss #ttc #pregnantaftermiscarriage #infantloss #griefsupport
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is a day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death, which includes, but is not limited to, miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, and the death of a newborn.
October 15 is observed annually in the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, Australian States of Western Australia, New South Wales and in Italy. The day is observed with remembrance ceremonies and candle-lighting vigils, concluding with the Lights of Love International Wave of Light, a worldwide lighting of candles that encompasses and spans the globe at 7:00 p.m. (local time)
The official Awareness Colors of the cause are light pink and baby blue and are synonymous with the campaigns awareness ribbon."- Wikipedia
Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]
Love & comfort to you, Ellen
The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.
Writing To Help Others Who Miscarried #PoweredByIndie
by Ellen DuBois on 10/04/16
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. The fifteenth of October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. It's such an important month for anyone who has miscarried, lost a baby to stillbirth or in any other way. We honor our babies and unite with one another. Through our pain we share a connection and through our connection we find strength.
Many years ago I miscarried. It was a during a time when the Internet wasn't available, (the early 90's). Subsequently, the support offered via the Internet hadn't begun. It was a very dark, isolating, sad time for me, but somehow I got through it. My faith carried me along with the love of family and friends.
Years later, the Internet was opening doors that nobody dreamt of. People were finding support in groups, chat rooms and emails. As those facets of the Internet grew, the advent of ebooks came to be. As with anything, it took a bit of time for the concept of ebooks to catch on.
In 2006, I felt a need to write about my miscarriage. Having grown accustomed to the Internet, I could see how much connecting with others, even if they lived across the country, or world, was helping people heal.
One early, quiet morning, while at the kitchen table, I knew without a doubt I had to write about my experiences with miscarriage. Subsequently, a whole new chapter of my life began.
At first, I Never Held You was a small ebook published by a relatively unknown but traditional publisher. It was the beginning of getting my message of hope and healing in front of those who needed it. At the same time, the birth of my support site, MiscarriageHelp.com occurred. However, after three years of having my book and support site "out there", the publisher I was with had to make some cuts. Sadly, nonfiction books was one of them. I was one of them.
After nearly three years of having my book available and growing my support site, the plug was pulled. I knew I had to get my book back where it belonged- in front of those who needed it. I already knew the larger, traditional publishers weren't interested in a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery. I was told there wasn't a market for "that kind" of book. I had the rejection letters to prove it.
However, the opinions of those traditional publishers didn't ring true with me. I knew the over one-million women a year who experienced miscarriage in the United States alone needed help, reassurance and validation. My heart told me women around the world needed support, and I had the experience to back me. I'd been running my support site and answering emails for nearly three years and my book, (now longer with contributions from a grief counselor and several women who miscarried), was selling.
Women who miscarried needed support! I wasn't going to quit just because of a bump in the road.
Without a publisher, I found myself debating whether to go the traditional, time consuming route of sending out query letters to traditional publishers, (again), or to try this "new thing" called self publishing, or indie publishing as it became more commonly referred to.
At that juncture, Amazon's CreateSpace was newly launched and I just happened to find it. When comparing the options for indie publishing, CreateSpace seemed the best match for me. I thought about it, prayed about it and knew in my heart the answer was to forgo the letters to countless traditional publishers. What the world of indie publishing offered me was a signficantly faster, more direct route to getting my book back in front of those who needed it. CreateSpace was the answer.
I didn't want to waste valuable time with publishers who discounted the feelings of women who were hurting after miscarriage.
They meant too much to me and still do.
When I made the decision to get my book published through CreateSpace, which is owned by Amazon, I knew I did the right thing. From the moment I began working with them, I felt encouraged, excited and hopeful. From the layout of my book to the new cover design, I worked with a team who cared about my book and about me. My vision for what I wanted the book cover to look like came to life through a group very talented, dedicated people.
That was back in 2009. When I Never Held You was republished in both electronic and paperback formats, I proudly entered the ranks of being an indie author. After only a few months of my book being off the virtual and brick and mortar shelves, it was back on them and stronger than before. So was my website. While CreateSpace worked on my book, I worked just as diligently to get miscarriagehelp.com, (which was built by my prior publisher), back online. I couldn't bear the thought of not being there for anyone who needed a place to share their feelings about life after miscarriage. They needed to be heard, to vent, to connect.
It all came together about seven years ago, when my book was released by CreateSpace and my companion website was back online. I've been propelled by wanting to help build a bridge of support for anyone who has lived through miscarriage and struggled through the pain and isolation left in its path. My book has continued to be a tool in my outreach and I'm proud to be an indie author. I'm grateful to be #PoweredByIndie. Being published by CreateSpace has given me a much larger platform to stand upon - and it's withstood the test of time.
I have no regrets and haven't looked back. I'm proud to be in the company of such wonderful indie authors.
When all is said and done, there was and still is a market for books about miscarriage. Just as women who have miscarried should not have their feelings dismissed, neither should the authors of books that serve to help them.
(As a matter of fact, I'm working on another book and I plan on publishing it through CreateSpace.)
#PoweredByIndie
Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]
Love & comfort to you, Ellen
The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.
Glad My Childhood Was Before Technology Took Over
by Ellen DuBois on 09/29/16
I am so glad I was born at a time when technology didn't rule my life. I played outside when the weather was good, and used my imagination inside when the weather was bad. Yes, I watched TV and there were some pretty good shows on. But, I also used my God-given imagination and with the help of books, Barbie dolls, HotWheels, listening to and playing music, I had a great time- a great childhood. If I wanted to see a friend, I walked to their house, knocked on the door and asked if "so and so" could come out and play. If I wanted to play a game, I interacted with my sisters and/or some friends. We talked. We laughed! If I wanted to share something with a girlfriend, we talked face to face either outside, sitting in one of our bedrooms or on the phone, (the one with a cord attached to it and mounted onto a wall). Oh, and when that same phone rang at dinner time, we weren't allowed to talk. It was dinner time and my sisters and I were expected to eat at the table, as a family. We communicated, listened, sometimes shared a laugh and had to clean our plates because poor people were starving and the thought of wasting food was a sin. (Admittedly, I often snuck pieces of what I didn't like under the table for the dog to enjoy.) When I rode my bike for the first time without training wheels, I smashed into a neighbor's car and they didn't sue us. When my mother wanted me to come home for dinner, I heard her voice because she had to yell for me, not call or text me. Oh, and I ran. I respected that call to come in. My girlfriend and I put on shows, dressed up in my mother's clothes, and that was entertainment! I knew the pure joy of playing in the rain in the summer, (provided there wasn't any thunder and lightening), and building snow forts in the winter until my mother called us in because before we turned blue from the cold. I explored the woods behind our house in the spring and marveled at the first flowers blooming in May. Scampering through the colored leaves of fall was a blast. Raking those leaves was not- but we did it. I rode my "Dill Pickle" bike and appreciated it. If I left it on its side at the base of the driveway, I was ordered to go get it and put it where it belonged. I respected what was mine and what belonged to others. I spent my childhood looking up, down, all around, seeing tall trees, the sky, the flowers. I stared at clouds as they changed shaped and caught fireflies at night. Fireworks were an amazing Fourth of July spectacle and getting a new pair of sneakers was a big deal! I even had "school clothes" and "play clothes". Why? Because I played, and played hard. The dirt and grass stains reflected that. The kids in my neighborhood didn't know what a "play date" was. We simply went outside to see who was around. Our neighbor's pool was a welcome oasis in the summertime. Snowball fights, building snowmen and watching snowflakes fall underneath the streetlight captivated me and made me smile. When my friends and sisters were busy, I found ways to entertain myself and grow. I did my homework, practiced the organ and piano, read books, sang to my parent's 45's and 33's in the "playroom" for hours. It was a real treat when I got to stay up past my bedtime when a special was on TV. When our neighbor's got Atari, Pac-Man, Asteroids, Donkey Kong, Centipede, Pole Position and Mario Brothers were like a whole new world to me! I loved playing those games. But, there was a limit and I had to go home eventually. Those games were a treat and so much fun, but they weren't something I did every day. They weren't a way of life. Nope. I grew up playing hop scotch, scatter, tag, hide and seek, riding my bike, exploring the woods, walking to the store, going to the playground, picking up after myself, doing dishes, being with my family and so much more. I saw things some would consider simple, like rainbows, frogs, tadpoles, planes flying overhead, birds and countless other things through the eyes of a child who only knew how to look up and around, instead of constantly down at a tiny screen. And you know what? I'm so, so glad those are my childhood memories. - Ellen DuBois
Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
I love it!
and 
