Life Since My #Miscarriage, 27 Years Later. : Ellen DuBois Blog. Thoughtwaves.
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Welcome to my author page and blog.

My name is Ellen DuBois, and I've been writing since I can remember. I began writing poetry as a child and as I got older, my poems, stories, lyrics, etc., grew with me. Whenever I had to sort out my feelings, I turned to writing - and still do. Whether pen and paper, my old Smith-Corona typewriter I got for my high school graduation or my computer, writing has been a constant, faithful companion.

I wrote I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery because I didn't want women to feel as alone as I did after my miscarriage over twenty-years ago. There is no time frame on grief and your loss matters, as do you.

My first fiction book, Jackie's Heart, is also available on Amazon in ebook format.
It's romance packed with suspense. It's a story of love, loss, grief, overcoming the odds and a taking a chance on love again.

I've been published by: Blue Mountain Arts with my poem "I Whispered a Prayer or Two" as an inspirational greeting card and included in their gift book, "Sisters"; am a contributing author in More God Allows U-Turns (Barbour Publishing/Promise Press); Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders, Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News (Hunterhouse Publishing) and Soul Matters for Teens (Thomas Nelson Inc.).

I live in Massachusetts with my fiance and rescue dog, Cooper. I'm working on my next book, teaching piano, enjoying photography, making jewelry and "learning something new every day on this journey called life."

I welcome you to visit my miscarriage support site at and thank you for visiting my author site and blog.

I also welcome you to visit my author page on Amazon, Ellen M. DuBois, on by clicking here.

Thank you, be well and God Bless! Ellen

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Life Since My #Miscarriage, 27 Years Later.

by Ellen DuBois on 04/23/18

(This post is from my site, but I wanted to share it here, too.)

Today marks the day I lost my baby 27 years ago. It's a day that changed my life. My whole path shifted direction when I miscarried. What I thought would be and what was were suddenly very different.

No matter when you suffer a miscarriage, it's not something you forget. As I learned, life pushes on. However, in those dark, scary days, weeks and months and even years after I miscarried, I had a very tough time keeping up with life. So many times I felt like grief consumed me and I was going through the motions.

Looking back, I see how over time, I began to find myself again. It took a long time and I never, not even once, forgot about the baby I loved and never got to hold. He touched my heart and my life in so many ways.

How? Losing my baby prompted me to write a book years later on my experiences, grief, healing. There wasn't much available back then and I was so frustrated with the disappointment I felt every time I searched for a book to help me cope and make me feel less alone. My little Alex, (I named him), was the reason for this website. I wanted a place to share in our experiences after miscarriage to again, make us feel less isolated in our pain.

There's no time limit, no right or wrong way to grieve. There's no date marked on the calendar saying, "Okay. Enough. You can get on with it now." You just do the best you can, like I did. Like so many of us who miscarried have. Your best is good enough. I wish I knew that back then. I always felt my best wasn't good enough because I felt I was barely scraping by in everything I did.

My marriage suffered. I won't blame the ending of my marriage on my miscarriage, but I do know communicating with your spouse/partner is so important. Otherwise, those feelings can eat you up inside and drive a wedge between you and your partner. 

Every day tasks, like grocery shopping felt like I was climbing Mount Everest because I suffered such anxiety after I miscarried. I can't tell you the number of times I had to stop what I was doing and take a deep breath, or pull over for a few minutes until my panic attacks subsided. It was so frightening.

I'm telling you all this because I want you to know that if you're feeling any of these things, you are not alone. It's not new because I felt them years ago. What's been changing is the way miscarriage is talked about more. I'm very thankful for that because I know what it's like to feel you've got nobody, even when you're surrounded by people you love.

(I also learned I was never truly alone because I always had God and the angels by my side, even when I didn't feel like I did.)

I've come a long way since that dark time so long ago. But, I've never forgotten my baby, what it felt like to miscarry and how alone I felt. That's why I'm still here, reaching out to let you know you're not alone. 

I wish you comfort and healing- and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Here's a great, big hug- Ellen


Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The Daily- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

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Hello! I'm Ellen DuBois and am the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond.

"It's About Piano, It's About Time- Originals and Standards to Inspire Romance and Peace. By Al and Marlane DuBois. Available on CD, Download, and per track.
Sit back and relax to the piano stylings of Al DuBois playing some of the most well-known, favorite standards of our time combined with his masterful renditions of hits from the Beatles, Elton John, Billy Joel & more. Marlane DuBois' original, reflective, meditative and stunning piano pieces, fully orchestrated, will add peace and tranquility to your life, creating and inspiring an atmosphere of serenity, well-being & musical pleasure. Click here to hear samples of this delightful collection of piano music and/or to purchase "It's About Piano, It's About Time!"

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