Ellen M. DuBois Author Site

I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

From a Dream to Published

I think I'm a perfect example of your average person, with what seemed an impossible dream. As a writer and poet, I've never felt 'good enough' or 'lucky enough' to be published. However, something never let me stop trying. When you feel you're supposed to be doing something and you can’t shake it, whether it's writing, sewing, caring for children, or being a rocket scientist, it's hard to ignore the need to just 'do it'. Actually, it's nearly impossible. If you're not doing what you love, it's difficult to feel complete and happy. It’s like something's missing from your life.

From the time I was a young girl, I used writing as a way to express myself- poems, letters to my parents as a teen, writing for the town paper in high school, and then for a group of local papers in college. As I grew, so did my writing.

Time, being the teacher it is, showed me life lessons are learned for a reason- our growth- even the painful ones, although it’s hard to see when you’re smack dab in the thick of things. Life lessons give us strength, character, and the ability to draw from and share what we've learned in the hope of helping others. I do that through writing and through music. Although there are many things I'd not want to relive, I know those experiences have given me the ability to know other's pain. On the flip side, the joys in my life have given me a deep sense of appreciation for all things, big and small.

Much of my inspirational poetry has been published on the Internet in the form of e greetings and a couple of poems have been published as greeting cards by Blue Mountain Arts. Wow, was that a thrill! (I’m still submitting work to them and have many pieces in market review). The rewards reach far beyond getting a check for a published poem. A note from a stranger who was moved by a card I wrote, (it’s surreal), is one of the best feelings in the world. It fills my spirit, and I know I'm doing part of what God wants me to do. I won’t give up on that dream. It’s too important to me.

My first published book was a fictional book entitled Jackie's Heart . At the time, (2001 I believe), I decided to try my hand at delving further into writing. This time, a novel was my goal.

After many rewrites, query letters, etc., Jackie's Heart my first fictional book, was accepted by a publisher. At first, I was so overwhelmed I didn't know how to react. Excited? Yes. Nervous? Very much so. This was it. I had to get it right!

In retrospect, I didn’t really get it ‘right’ in terms of writing the perfect book, (if there is such a thing). The point is, I completed it. I began something and took it from start to finish, had it published and learned from it. I didn’t give up, even when I wanted to. Luckily, I've had people tell me they enjoyed the book very much and found it to be a real "page turner". Well, that's awesome for any author to hear! But, I've been thinking about a rewrite lately. I'd like to make the book better, plain and simple.

When Jackie's Heart became available, it caused more anxiety than singing in front of three hundred people- and I used to do that! When you sing, there's an immediate reaction from the crowd. They either like you or they don't and you know it right away. With a book, you wait, pray, take the reviews for what they’re worth, learn from them if they resonate with you, (even the bad ones). Writing is exposing your heart and talent on paper, and it sticks around, unlike singing a song- when it’s done, it’s done. Well, unless you’re on video. That’s an entirely different story. I digress. A book sticks around. People find it years later. They read it and tell you if they liked it or not. There's no end to that song, if you will- it's a tangible object that lives on, for better or for worse.

Those fears would not get the better of me, and still do not as I stand on the rooftop and shout to the world, "I am Ellen DuBois and I have a book published! I know I'm an unknown author, but I did it and will remain unknown unless you read my book!" Yes, that takes courage. But, you know what? The courage is present because the dream is still alive. I made it this far, and for as much as I may feel un-accomplished because I'm not a best selling author, I must take that thought and throw it out forever. The dream of becoming published has come true, on more than one occasion, because I would not quit and don't have plans to! That would be like climbing three-quarters up a mountainside, only to give up and go back down. I need to make it to the top of that mountain, and only I can make it happen.

That’s the power of a dream. It won't let you quit, even when you're tired and worn. It keeps you going even when you wonder if it’s going anywhere. A dream takes your doubts and puts them into perspective. A dream that's true doesn't allow you to throw in the towel because it’ll keep you up at night if you do. Get it out. Write it out. Put it out there. It's up to you to nurture it and watch it grow.

That's part of the reason I'm writing this now. I saw a "Dreams Come True" calling for article submissions, and my own dream burst to the surface and said, "Tell the world about your books, your dreams, and your ability to stick with it even when you felt like giving up."

So, take it from me, an average person from Massachusetts who never thought she'd see her name on the cover of her own book- IT HAPPENS. TO YOU, TO ME, TO ANYONE WHO BELIEVES ENOUGH IN THEIR DREAM TO GIVE IT WHAT IT NEEDS TO LIVE.

My biggest pride and joy, I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery , was originally released in March, 2006, republished in 2009 with Volume 1, and has been on the Amazon.com best seller list under Grief and Bereavement regularly. I have my own Author Connect Blog on Amazon.com, and I am so proud and excited about it! The companion support site to the book, MiscarriageHelp.com, has helped women express their feelings after miscarriage and gain the support they need. The amazing courage and spirit I have witnessed from those who have posted on MiscarriageHelp.com has touched my heart. Even while in pain themselves, they reach out to others and try to help. They DO help.

I've been blessed, for certain. But, it came with persistance. Blue Mountain Arts has published one of my pieces in their gift book, Sisters, and they've published a greeting card twice using my poem, I Whispered A Prayer or Two. Boy, did I wait a LONG time for that!

The key to success, whether it's writing or rocket science, is in never giving up on your dreams. When you do that, you give up on something far more precious than a dream- you give up on yourself.

Blessings and inspiration surround us every moment. It's seeing them that does something- it creates the motivation to dream more, and to go for it.

I still submit work whenever and wherever possible, and know that one of these days, another piece, poem, book submission- will be published. Even on those days when I feel like life's beating up on me, the dream keeps the spark burning within my heart, giving me hope for a brighter, more successful tomorrow.

Take it from me, one who never thought she'd be able to go on Amazon.com, or walk into her local bookstore and see her book on the shelf. It can and does happen- to you, to me, to anyone who believes in and works hard enough to make their dream more than that- a reality.

And this is just the beginning.

The very best to each and every one of you. May all your dreams come true.

Ellen

© Ellen M. DuBois

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