I'm Blogging, Ellen DuBois
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Welcome to my author page. My name is Ellen DuBois, and I've been writing since I can remember. I began writing poetry as a child and as I got older, my poems grew with me. Whenever I had to sort out my feelings, I turned to writing because my thoughts became clearer. I still turn to writing, especially when I'm overwhelmed.

Turning adversity into something positive has been a theme in my writing. From poetry and lyrics to short articles and essays, I seem to gravitate to issues of the heart, conflict and my faith in God.

Eleven years after a devestating miscarriage, I wrote a short ebook about my experiences and emotions. Several years later, I wrote more about coping with miscarriage and I Never Held You was published as a paperback by a small, traditional publisher.

A few years after the book came out, the publisher had to make some cuts and non fiction was one of them. So, I had to find a way to republish my book. I already had a miscarriage support site running and it was important to offer the book along with my online support. So, I turned to CreateSpace and haven't looked back since. I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery was published again in 2009 and is still available on Amazon in both paperback and ebook formats.

My works have appeared in books ranging from anxiety attacks to inspirational collections of poetry and stories. I've also been lucky enough to be published by Blue Mountain Arts. I feel blessed to have been included in these books/greeting cards and plan on "pushing forward".

Please visit my author page, Ellen M. DuBois, on Amazon.com by clicking here.

Thank you for visiting! Here you will find blog posts that are quite random, depending my mood, what's happening, or whatever inspires me.

Be well and God Bless, Ellen Host of MiscarriageHelp.com, Creator of Hope Angel Bracelets and Piano teacher/Proprietor at Rhapsody Music Lessons in Easton, Massachusetts.



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I'm Blogging, Ellen DuBois

Tonight's #Presidential #Debate: Stop With The Mud and Start With the Answers

by Ellen DuBois on 10/19/16



 

I've been pretty wrapped up in this election. I've watched FOX news, (and a few other stations), read countless political newsletters, have been in the trenches, (to a limited degree at political headquarters in my state), and have seen more political ads than I can count. I've watched the last two debates with my dog snuggled up between my fiance and I. Sometimes, I've wanted to jump ship, turn off the TV or at least change the channel, (especially now that Jane the Virgin is back on and I love Designated Survivor). But, I didn't. I watched the debates because to me, it's too important not to.

I don't typically write about politics because it's not usually my thing. However, I write about what's on my mind and right now, for better or worse, it's the presidential race. I can't help it because there's too much at stake. I love and respect this great country.

The campaign: It's heated. It's convoluded. It's muddy. For far too many Americans it's unclear.

Tonight's the third and final debate. How appropriate it's being held in Vegas. I feel like it's a Pay Per View event, but one with a lot more at stake than a championship belt.

It's been a down and dirty race, (that's an understatement). Trump and Clinton have been mudslinging for so long I'm afraid there are millions of people who don't know where either candidate stands on the issues. Those who are decided know who they're voting for. Those who are undecided don't know who to vote for and that's not only sad, it's scary. There's too much dirt in their eyes from all the mudslinging to see, to know, to feel confident in either presidential candidate. 

"Mudslinging is the act of making hateful statements or comments about someone, usually a political opponent. An example of mudslinging is what opposing politicians say about each other in smear campaigns."- Source "- Your Dictionary

This isn't about who I'm for. I already know and still find myself wiping dirt from my eyes and wanting to grab some earplugs. If I had both candidates in front of me right now I'd say:  Stop With The Mud and Start With the Answers. (My new slogan.) If you want people's vote, get out there and earn it. Tonight's your night! Talk about what matters, for God's sake. Talk about the issues. Better yet, give the American people your solutions to the problems plaguing this country. Tell people why they'd be better off with you as their president. Why should you be at the helm? What will you do to create jobs? How will you make this country a safer place? What's going to happen to social security? Speaking of that, what about this nineteen trillion dollar debt that keeps creeping up and up? What about healthcare? Will our veterans be taken better care of and not left floundering in a system where they're often overlooked? What will you do to protect our citizens and our police officers? What will you do as president to ensure that every child in the USA gets the best education possible? Because they're such important issues, I think these two bear repeating: What will you do to create jobs so people can, well, survive? How will you make this country safe again? Don't just say you'll do it, tell us how. Please!

These are only some of the questions people need and deserve answers to. We the people are tired of all the sex talk, of who did what to whom and when. We get it. We know. We don't like it. If what you're slinging back and forth in front of millions of people who need answers has nothing to do with your ability to run this country, please stop talking about it! (Caveat: If it does affect your ability to run this country, have at it.) Give your potential voters what they need: Answers.

We the people live in the greatest country on earth and many are afraid. We feel like the sand is shifting under our feet because there aren't enough jobs and there are acts of terrorism being conducted by evil people on our own soil and around the globe . We see riots, looting and incomprehensible unrest on TV and gasp in horror and disbelief. We the people are not just struggling to make ends meet, many don't know where the ends will come from.

America is crying out for help. When they look to either candidate for answers, for leadership, for a feeling of confidence when saying "this is my choice for president", they are left with eyes filled with mud and still, no answers.

Dear candidates, please, for the love of God and for this country, give people the answers they need at tonight's debate. Stop With The Mud and Start With the Answers.

Whatever's left in the pile of dirt that needs to be sorted out will be.

Stop With The Mud and Start With the Answers. That will earn you respect and votes. The American people deserve nothing less.

 


Ellen DuBois: is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. She's been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and is a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, she's known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. She blogs about things that matter to her...or whatever inspires her.

Just Because I Never Held You Doesn't Mean I Didn't Love You #Pailrd #waveoflight

by Ellen DuBois on 10/15/16



Just because I never held you doesn't mean I didn't love you."- Ellen M. DuBois, miscarriagehelp.com

That sums up how I've felt about the baby I loved so much and lost to miscarriage. Alex, (I named him), would have been twenty-five this November.

To all of you who have lost a baby, or babies to miscarriage, stillbirth- whatever the cause may be, my heart and prayers go out to you. I know the heartache. You are not alone. You and your babies are remembered.

I can attest that after all these years, my sweet baby has remained a part of my life. I have felt a connection with him. He's part of me and will always be.

Today, we join in solidarity to remember our babies. Our collective thoughts are filled with love, heartache, strength, hope. We find comfort in each other and find refuge in knowing none of us has walked, or is walking this journey alone.

As I remember my baby, I remember you and your baby. Today and always.

Sending you healing thoughts, prayers and love,

Ellen

#pregnancyandinfantloss #bornstill #stillborn #angelmommy #waveoflight #miscarriage #rainbowbaby #babyloss #ttc #pregnantaftermiscarriage #infantloss #griefsupport

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is a day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death, which includes, but is not limited to, miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, and the death of a newborn.

October 15 is observed annually in the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, Australian States of Western Australia, New South Wales and in Italy. The day is observed with remembrance ceremonies and candle-lighting vigils, concluding with the Lights of Love International Wave of Light, a worldwide lighting of candles that encompasses and spans the globe at 7:00 p.m. (local time)

The official Awareness Colors of the cause are light pink and baby blue and are synonymous with the campaigns awareness ribbon."- Wikipedia

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



A Letter to Mr. #Trump: You've Got My #Vote, The Locker Room, Moving On, #Debate #Trump2016

by Ellen DuBois on 10/09/16



Dear Mr. Trump,

We've all heard the comments. Do I like them? No. Do I think you disrespect women? No. I'm a woman and can clearly see this was just trashy, locker room "guy talk" I didn't need or want to be privy to. Once the press got ahold of it, boy did they run with it. They're spinning it to death and sadly, that's what the press does. Did your comments shake my belief in your ability to turn this country around and get it back on track? No. I felt like a fly on the wall in a men's locker room when I heard your comments from nearly eleven years ago. You're certainly not the only man who talks to other men like that behind closed doors. I'd love to see any man or woman, especially those already holding positions in office, expose some of their private conversations to the public. Don't think that'll happen! Enough said. Moving on, the following is a comment I sent to your team after taking an email survey about what matters: tonight's debate. This is what I said and I maintain my position:

"You will earn the votes of those on the fence, and perhaps some who think they're in Hillary's camp, when they are able to cross the bridge from fear into faith. Faith in you and your ability to handle anything that comes your way, (including Hillary's attacks), in a confident, strong, unshakable and 'Presidential' manner. People are afraid on so many fronts, they can not be afraid of you, (the 'temperament' thing that keeps coming up). Strength and a calm demeanor diffuse fear. People need to believe you are the change they have needed for so long. They need to not only know but believe you can and will Make America Great Again. Go get'em!"

Sincerely, Ellen DuBois

 

Writing To Help Others Who Miscarried #PoweredByIndie

by Ellen DuBois on 10/04/16



October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. The fifteenth of October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. It's such an important month for anyone who has miscarried, lost a baby to stillbirth or in any other way. We honor our babies and unite with one another. Through our pain we share a connection and through our connection we find strength.

Many years ago I miscarried. It was a during a time when the Internet wasn't available, (the early 90's). Subsequently, the support offered via the Internet hadn't begun. It was a very dark, isolating, sad time for me, but somehow I got through it. My faith carried me along with the love of family and friends.

Years later, the Internet was opening doors that nobody dreamt of. People were finding support in groups, chat rooms and emails. As those facets of the Internet grew, the advent of ebooks came to be. As with anything, it took a bit of time for the concept of ebooks to catch on.

In 2006, I felt a need to write about my miscarriage. Having grown accustomed to the Internet, I could see how much connecting with others, even if they lived across the country, or world, was helping people heal.

One early, quiet morning, while at the kitchen table, I knew without a doubt I had to write about my experiences with miscarriage. Subsequently, a whole new chapter of my life began.

At first, I Never Held You was a small ebook published by a relatively unknown but traditional publisher. It was the beginning of getting my message of hope and healing in front of those who needed it. At the same time, the birth of my support site, MiscarriageHelp.com occurred. However, after three years of having my book and support site "out there", the publisher I was with had to make some cuts. Sadly, nonfiction books was one of them. I was one of them.

After nearly three years of having my book available and growing my support site, the plug was pulled. I knew I had to get my book back where it belonged- in front of those who needed it. I already knew the larger, traditional publishers weren't interested in a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery. I was told there wasn't a market for "that kind" of book. I had the rejection letters to prove it.

However, the opinions of those traditional publishers didn't ring true with me. I knew the over one-million women a year who experienced miscarriage in the United States alone needed help, reassurance and validation. My heart told me women around the world needed support, and I had the experience to back me. I'd been running my support site and answering emails for nearly three years and my book, (now longer with contributions from a grief counselor and several women who miscarried), was selling.

Women who miscarried needed support! I wasn't going to quit just because of a bump in the road.

Without a publisher, I found myself debating whether to go the traditional, time consuming route of sending out query letters to traditional publishers, (again), or to try this "new thing" called self publishing, or indie publishing as it became more commonly referred to.

At that juncture, Amazon's CreateSpace was newly launched and I just happened to find it. When comparing the options for indie publishing, CreateSpace seemed the best match for me. I thought about it, prayed about it and knew in my heart the answer was to forgo the letters to countless traditional publishers. What the world of indie publishing offered me was a signficantly faster, more direct route to getting my book back in front of those who needed it. CreateSpace was the answer.

I didn't want to waste valuable time with publishers who discounted the feelings of women who were hurting after miscarriage.

They meant too much to me and still do.

When I made the decision to get my book published through CreateSpace, which is owned by Amazon, I knew I did the right thing. From the moment I began working with them, I felt encouraged, excited and hopeful. From the layout of my book to the new cover design, I worked with a team who cared about my book and about me. My vision for what I wanted the book cover to look like came to life through a group very talented, dedicated people.

That was back in 2009. When I Never Held You was republished in both electronic and paperback formats, I proudly entered the ranks of being an indie author. After only a few months of my book being off the virtual and brick and mortar shelves, it was back on them and stronger than before. So was my website. While CreateSpace worked on my book, I worked just as diligently to get miscarriagehelp.com, (which was built by my prior publisher), back online. I couldn't bear the thought of not being there for anyone who needed a place to share their feelings about life after miscarriage. They needed to be heard, to vent, to connect.

It all came together about seven years ago, when my book was released by CreateSpace and my companion website was back online. I've been propelled by wanting to help build a bridge of support for anyone who has lived through miscarriage and struggled through the pain and isolation left in its path. My book has continued to be a tool in my outreach and I'm proud to be an indie author. I'm grateful to be #PoweredByIndie. Being published by CreateSpace has given me a much larger platform to stand upon - and it's withstood the test of time.

I have no regrets and haven't looked back. I'm proud to be in the company of such wonderful indie authors.

When all is said and done, there was and still is a market for books about miscarriage. Just as women who have miscarried should not have their feelings dismissed, neither should the authors of books that serve to help them.

(As a matter of fact, I'm working on another book and I plan on publishing it through CreateSpace.)

#PoweredByIndie

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



Glad My Childhood Was Before Technology Took Over

by Ellen DuBois on 09/29/16



I am so glad I was born at a time when technology didn't rule my life. I played outside when the weather was good, and used my imagination inside when the weather was bad. Yes, I watched TV and there were some pretty good shows on. But, I also used my God-given imagination and with the help of books, Barbie dolls, HotWheels, listening to and playing music, I had a great time- a great childhood. If I wanted to see a friend, I walked to their house, knocked on the door and asked if "so and so" could come out and play. If I wanted to play a game, I interacted with my sisters and/or some friends. We talked. We laughed! If I wanted to share something with a girlfriend, we talked face to face either outside, sitting in one of our bedrooms or on the phone, (the one with a cord attached to it and mounted onto a wall). Oh, and when that same phone rang at dinner time, we weren't allowed to talk. It was dinner time and my sisters and I were expected to eat at the table, as a family. We communicated, listened, sometimes shared a laugh and had to clean our plates because poor people were starving and the thought of wasting food was a sin. (Admittedly, I often snuck pieces of what I didn't like under the table for the dog to enjoy.) When I rode my bike for the first time without training wheels, I smashed into a neighbor's car and they didn't sue us. When my mother wanted me to come home for dinner, I heard her voice because she had to yell for me, not call or text me. Oh, and I ran. I respected that call to come in. My girlfriend and I put on shows, dressed up in my mother's clothes, and that was entertainment! I knew the pure joy of playing in the rain in the summer, (provided there wasn't any thunder and lightening), and building snow forts in the winter until my mother called us in because before we turned blue from the cold. I explored the woods behind our house in the spring and marveled at the first flowers blooming in May. Scampering through the colored leaves of fall was a blast. Raking those leaves was not- but we did it. I rode my "Dill Pickle" bike and appreciated it. If I left it on its side at the base of the driveway, I was ordered to go get it and put it where it belonged. I respected what was mine and what belonged to others. I spent my childhood looking up, down, all around, seeing tall trees, the sky, the flowers. I stared at clouds as they changed shaped and caught fireflies at night. Fireworks were an amazing Fourth of July spectacle and getting a new pair of sneakers was a big deal! I even had "school clothes" and "play clothes". Why? Because I played, and played hard. The dirt and grass stains reflected that. The kids in my neighborhood didn't know what a "play date" was. We simply went outside to see who was around. Our neighbor's pool was a welcome oasis in the summertime. Snowball fights, building snowmen and watching snowflakes fall underneath the streetlight captivated me and made me smile. When my friends and sisters were busy, I found ways to entertain myself and grow. I did my homework, practiced the organ and piano, read books, sang to my parent's 45's and 33's in the "playroom" for hours. It was a real treat when I got to stay up past my bedtime when a special was on TV. When our neighbor's got Atari, Pac-Man, Asteroids, Donkey Kong, Centipede, Pole Position and Mario Brothers were like a whole new world to me! I loved playing those games. But, there was a limit and I had to go home eventually. Those games were a treat and so much fun, but they weren't something I did every day. They weren't a way of life. Nope. I grew up playing hop scotch, scatter, tag, hide and seek, riding my bike, exploring the woods, walking to the store, going to the playground, picking up after myself, doing dishes, being with my family and so much more. I saw things some would consider simple, like rainbows, frogs, tadpoles, planes flying overhead, birds and countless other things through the eyes of a child who only knew how to look up and around, instead of constantly down at a tiny screen. And you know what? I'm so, so glad those are my childhood memories. - Ellen DuBois



Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!


Fashionista on a Budget? Think Thrift Shops!

by Ellen DuBois on 09/17/16



Today I was determined to find a denim skirt. I haven't had much luck finding one that fits right.

I saw Macys.com was having a sale, so I headed over with one thing in mind: Find a denim skirt. I didn't want to get side tracked. I couldn't afford to.

With the help of some very nice sales clerks, I found a denim skirt. While it's not exactly what I wanted, (I'd like a longer one, too), the one I bought by Style and Co. is great and is a welcome addition to my wardrobe. It'll look super with boots.

Most of my black pants, (a staple in my wardrobe), are either looking pretty worn out, or, thanks to menopause, don't fit right anymore. Some, I accidentally shrank. Others decided not to "change" when my body did. Hmph. The nerve.

I had the afternoon to myself. After leaving Macy's and spending a grand total of $26.77, (thanks to a 50% off sale and a coupon), I headed over to Chic to Charity, now called Addicted to Thrift.

It's a massive store and very well organized. Everything is arranged by color and item. So, if you want a black top, you'll see an expansive rack of them. The same applies to skirts, pants, dresses and more. Find your color and what you're looking for and browse away.

I felt my pulse quicken as I searched isle after isle. I couldn't believe all the fabulous clothes I was looking at. Most were in excellent condition. Some had the tags still on them. I love when that happens!

Bonus! All items were 50% off! Wow. Was I excited! I didn't want to go over twenty-dollars. What? I can imagine what you're thinking. That's right. I had a limit to my spending. Thanks to it being 50% Off Saturday, (every other Saturday), I could buy twice as much. Score! Plus, the highest price on what I was looking for was $5.00, (tops) and $3.00 (pants). Cut that in half and I was looking at $2.50 per top and $1.50 for pants. What?!

If in fact I was looking for a prom gown, (I'm wayyyy past that), it'd be $10.00. Coats are also $10.00. I don't think the prom gowns are included in the 50% Off Saturday Sale. But, to any of you looking for a prom gown, you've got to check these out.

I found Talbots, 100% wool, color-block sweater in my favorite colors, black and red, (with a splash of gray). It zips up the front so I can wear it open or closed. Next, I came across a gorgeous Tahari black, open cardigan in a very airy knit- dressy and elegant. A bright red, Irish knit sweater by Ireland's Eye landed in my basket, (can't resist a good Irish knit), as did an oversized, beige, loose knit, cotton sweater from Old Navy, (a comfy, kicking around sweater). Then, I found a cute, black JJill pullover sweater I just had to have. It'll look great with the denim skirt I bought at Macy's.

I tend to wear black pants, with the exception of jeans, which I actually prefer in black. Today, I wore jeans that are blue, but with black top. I'm assuming you can see a pattern here. I'm stuck in color rut, but hey, that's nothing new.

What pants did I find? Well, the first were Express Design Studio pants, in black. The next were Ann Taylor Loft, also in black and the last pair were by Susan Graver in, you guessed it, black.

There was a dressing room there, but I felt funny and frankly kind of lazy about trying my items on. Plus, I kind of wanted to wash my new fashion treasures, too.

Up to register I went, my cart runneth over. After my five tops and three pairs of pants were rung up the grand total was: (drum roll please...) $17.00!

Yep. You read that right. Not a typo. $17.00! The cashier handed me my big bag of clothes and I left with ZERO guilt and a smile on my face. I held my thrifty head high as I walked with a new spring in my step to my car.

So, my friends. Don't be afraid of thrift shops. You can find amazing bargains on quality, (often times designer), clothing.

Go for it. You'll have fun!



Here's the denim skirt I bought at Macys:



Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!


Why I Took Two Teaspoons of Raw Apple Cider Vinegar This Morning.

by Ellen DuBois on 09/14/16



This morning I decided to down two teaspoons of Bragg's apple cider vinegar straight from the refrigerator.

It wasn't easy.

"Vinegar, which means "sour wine" in French, can be made from virtually any carbohydrate that can be fermented, including grapes, dates, coconut, potatoes, beets, and, of course, apples."

Wow. It sure is, "sour wine"!

Initially, I had to force it to stay down. No, I had to force it to GO down. My gag reflex was on full throttle. I couldn't wait for my coffee to brew so I could get the taste out of my mouth. Perhaps mixing it with warm water would have been a kinder, gentler way to go. But, I drank it straight and it was quick. Kind of like pulling off a band-aid.

Down the hatches!

But, why did I do it? Believe me, it didn't taste good. But, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Apple cider vinegar is good for me. Those two teaspoons will assist my digestion and help in my journey to lose some weight. I drank the very pungent liquid to boost my immunity, (I'm sleep deprived because my fiance is coughing much of the night), and to help clear my stuffy nose. Oh, and I made myself drink it to give me a much needed boost of energy after the relatively sleepless night I just mentioned.

As reported in Medscape General Medicine:

"The slow methods are generally used for the production of the traditional wine vinegars, and the culture of acetic acid bacteria grows on the surface of the liquid and fermentation proceeds slowly over the course of weeks or months.

The longer fermentation period allows for the accumulation of a non-toxic slime composed of yeast and acetic acid bacteria, known as the mother of vinegar."

Speaking of the mother of vinegar, make sure you consume an organic, unprocessed "mother" vinegar like Bragg's, (my personal choice), and not the clear vinegars you see on the shelf. What is the mother, anyway? What does it mean?

"Distilled white vinegar is excellent for cleaning and laundry, but for health purposes, you'll want to avoid the perfectly clear, "sparkling clean" varieties you commonly see on grocery store shelves. Instead, you want organic, unfiltered, unprocessed vinegar, which is murky. As mentioned, that murkiness is caused by a cobweb-like substance called the "mother," and it is indicative of a high-quality product."- Mercola.com

Well, here's to your health. This post is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of the heath benefits of organic, raw apple cider vinegar. It's actually pretty amazing, and very cost effective.

Caveat: If you're going to incorporate apple cider vinegar into your daily health management, check with your doctor first to make sure it doesn't affect any current medications you're taking.

Oh, and if you're going to drink it straight like I did, get ready. You can do it, but do it fast!

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!


My Sword the Dove, In Memory of Those Lost On 9/11/2001

by Ellen DuBois on 09/11/16



My Sword the Dove

Never will a day go by
when I will not remember,
the fateful day that changed our lives-
the Eleventh of September.

Never will a moment pass
when my lips won't whisper a prayer,
to God for those left in the wake-
of emptiness and terror.

Never will I take for granted
the precious gift of life,
stripped away one horrific day-
our children, husbands, wives.

Never will I fear those who cast
their evil on our land,
nor will I tremble in their presence-
as my spirit takes a stand.

Never wavering in their midst
I raise my sword of faith-the Dove,
who battles not with weapons-
but with the power of Love.

Never will the moment when
the world cried a storm of tears,
leave my heart, my soul my spirit-
it's forever planted there.

Never will that seed grow into
evil, hate or devastation,
I must water it with Heavenly peace-
for the world and for this nation.

Never will I gaze upon
another sister or brother,
and be blinded to the fact that
we're connected to each other.

Never will acts of hatred
overpower those of Love,
for if they do, I shall not have-
my sword, my weapon- the Dove.

May the Sword of the Dove reach every hand and heart, spreading its love, faith, comfort, hope and light to all who loved, lost and wept. In Memory of September 11, 2001.

Ellen M. DuBois Copyright © 2003

Using the piano as physical therapy after carpal tunnel surgery

by Ellen DuBois on 09/04/16



Well, three days after my carpal tunnel surgery, I decided to use my piano as part of my physical therapy. I'm not a doctor, nor do I recommend anyone do this. It's a decision I made because to me, it made sense.

Keep the fingers moving, but if it hurts, STOP.

I don't think "pushing through the pain" will make me brave. I think it would mean I made a bad decision. So, I listen to my body and again, if it hurts, I stop.

Why not incorporate something I love, (my piano and music), into my healing process? That's what I'm doing, and I'll let you know how it goes.

I hope anyone who is going through post-carpal tunnel surgery is doing well. If you have any stories, comments, tips you'd like to share on your experience, please do!

Have a great day,

Ellen

 

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Even in Murky Waters, The Lotus Blooms

by Ellen DuBois on 08/30/16



 

I thought of this saying while looking at this picture. I took it a few days ago and as you can see, the water is very murky. We've been in quite a severe drought here in Massachusetts. Actually, I don't recall ever having this little rain.

Look at the beautiful, pink lotus blooming in the midst of all that green, still water. Beauty and life appear where you wouldn't think it possible. As a matter of fact, my eyes were so focused on the color of the water that I only saw the lotus after my best pointed it out.

Life can be a lot like that. We are what we focus on. We see what we focus on. Rather than giving all my attention to the sorry state of the water, I chose to focus my attention, and my camera, on the soft, gentle beauty of that one, pink lotus.

We all have the capacity to bloom, even in troubled times. We all are capable beings able to not only see, but BE the light in the darkness.

Even in Murky Waters, The Lotus Blooms.

Ellen

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Easter Lilies In August

by Ellen DuBois on 08/22/16





My father donated these lilies at church in my mother's name on Easter Sunday. It's the same church my mother was music director at for over 25 years and he's carried the torch for her since she passed away. A month or so ago, the plant wasn't looking so good. I couldn't bring myself to throw it out. So, I decided to plant it. I now have Easter lilies in August. The first one decided to open today, National Angel Day. I love you, Mom

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

National Angel Day! Finding an angel doll on a clothing donation dumpster gave me hope when I needed it most.

by Ellen DuBois on 08/22/16

Inspiration for Story: Finding an angel doll on a clothing donation dumpster gave me hope when I needed it most.



When both my grandmother and my fiance's mother were in the hospital, I spent the days going from one rehab to another. I was operating on very little sleep and Christmas was approaching. While out doing errands, I had a bag of clothes to drop off in a donation bin. As I pulled into the parking lot, my eyes were filled with tears. I didn't know how much more I could take. I broke down and asked God for help. I asked the angels to give me the strength I needed. I didn't want to lose my Nana or my fiance's mother. I had loads to do before Christmas and I was spent. As I lugged the heavy bag of clothes from my trunk and carried it to the dumpster, I noticed something on top of the handle. It was the cutest stuffed angel doll--made with patchwork wings, a smiling face, yarn hair and a dress. I couldn't believe it. Who would leave such an adorable angel on a dumpster? Why? I gently took her from the handle, opened the bin and donated my clothes. After getting into my warm car, I placed the angel doll on the passenger seat. Then, it hit me. I got my sign from the angels. I felt a warmth inside and smiled as I felt the love and support I needed. The angels carried me through, and I still have the doll they left for me to find. I'll never let her go. That day led to this story being published in a book, (a longer version), to starting Hope Angel Bracelets several years later, and to a constant feeling of love and support from the angels.




Story published on Fire Mountain Gems.


Thanks for visiting Hope Angel Bracelets! Please scroll down this page to see more of my bracelets, (click on any one and it will take you directly to my shop on Etsy!) See something you like? Have a custom order you want to talk about? Stop by Hope Angel Bracelets on Etsy and have a look at ALL the different styles, colors, sizes, designs and charms waiting for you! Click here.


Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Just the Moon, God and Me

by Ellen DuBois on 08/19/16



 

I couldn't sleep Thursday night. I don't know why I felt restless. It could have been the thoughts having a party in my head.

Anyway, I was up and it was late.

On the couch with the dog between my fiance and me, I thought going to bed made sense. It was almost 2 a.m. Waking Cooper, (my dog), from his wonderfully deep slumber, he followed me with groggy steps to go out and pee.

The light the moon cast upon the stone driveway was amazing. There was hardly a need to turn on the outside lights. While Cooper finished up his "business", I felt compelled to run upstairs and grab my camera.

I brought Cooper in and that's exactly what I did.

Remembering to turn off the bright lights when I went out for the second time, I hoped to capture at least one clear shot of the moon. The air was heavy with humidity. It felt tropical. Bullfrogs croaking to their own rhythm was all I heard. The air was extremely still. There were no signs of deer walking the wooded path to my right. Maybe the deer aren't up this late, I thought. The crickets must have been asleep, too. There was nothing except the moon, God and me.

I ventured to the end of the long, semi-circle stone driveway. Because of the towering pines, the light of the moon was blocked just enough to make things a bit scary.

God, please protect me, I silently prayed, just in case there was anything or anyone out there...

After clearing the towering pines, I stood in the bright light of the moon. It cut through the August haze and I took it all in. Bathed in moonlight, I pointed my camera, tried to keep steady, and took a few pictures.

I made my way back to the house feeling cleansed by the moonlight and grateful to have gotten a few pictures.

Spending time with the moon, God and myself was worth staying up for. Maybe that's why I couldn't sleep. I wasn't supposed to.


Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Small Joys In A Big World

by Ellen DuBois on 08/02/16



In all of our lives, we go through times filled with calm and times filled with strife. Sometimes, we feel things are going our way. We breeze through the day with a smile on our face and a spring in our step.

Then, there are times we feel overwhelmed, buried in despair. We wonder when we'll feel like "our old self" again? It can be a scary place. I've been there. We all have.

What I've learned is by appreciating the small joys each day has to offer, I am better carried through the hard times and appreciate the good times more. By taking note of and alllowing myself to be permeated by the beauty of life, I am better able to cope when times get rough. In being aware of the often unseen joys each day hands to me, I've become a more aware person. This awareness has made me into a happier, more grateful person. I believe this has become the foundation I've placed my feet on and in doing so, I'm better able to keep standing when life throws me an unexpected curve ball.

And it does. Doesn't it?

Small joys in a big world = something much larger.

There's more I could easily add to this list, but for the sake of brevity, here are ten of my small joys in a big world:

1. Faith.  Each morning I get up and thank God for the day. It's become more than a "routine". It's part of who I am. It's the fuel that starts my day.

2. Seeing Beauty. Not only seeing, but taking in the beauty nature offers. I allow whatever I'm seeing to reach inside of me. I can't help but smile and feel a calmness sweep through me. This small joy helps.

3. Smile. Smiling at people...just because. Why not? I feel better when I smile at someone and even if they don't smile back, I stay true to myself. Who knows? Maybe I made a positive difference in someone's day.

4. Acts of Kindness. Holding the door. It feels great when someone holds the door for me. I love how I feel when I hold the door for someone else. Yes, it sounds small. But, it's not. Any random act of kindness is good for all.

5. Gratitude. Thanking God for everything as I go throughout my day. Was I spared an accident by the car that just cut me off? Thank you, God. Did the flowers I've been watering suddenly start thriving? Thank you, God. Did I just see a gorgeous, vibrant sunset? Thank you, God. I think you get the picture. It works for me.

6. Counting Blessings. Finding a "lucky penny" and not being afraid to pick it up. I don't care what it looks like to others if I stoop down to pick up a penny! I'm not doing any harm to anyone. I look at a "lucky penny" as a blessing. Hey, it was there and I saw it. (Awareness) Why not pick it up and count my blessings? It's not so much the penny. It's about finding a small joy in a big world and being thankful for it.

7. Love and be Loved.  Loving andfFeeling the love for my family and friends, allowing it to fill my heart and being thankful for it. God knows, we're not on this earth forever. After my mother passed away a year and a half ago, that message was driven home with great force. For a while, I felt like I couldn't breathe. But, I did keep breathing. So did my father, my sisters and those who were touched by my mother's life. I treasure any time spent with my entire family: my father, sisters, nieces, nephews, my fiance, my friends, my dog, (yes, my dog!)- with everyone.

8. Our Connection.  I believe there's a cord that connects me to God, to the angels, to my mother in Heaven, (the other side), and to everyone and everything on this planet. It's just how I roll and I'm thankful for it. In being aware of that cord, I am more aware of others and our global conscio-US-ness.

9. Appreciation.  Appreciating anthing that makes me laugh, smile or feel good in general. When my dog does something silly, gives me a look, wants to play or snuggles up beside me, I am grateful. My heart fills with happiness. It does me good. When one of my piano students makes me smile, makes me a card, has a great lesson, I am grateful for the entire experience. When my best friend makes me see things more clearly or we share a laugh, I know I'm blessed. If my guy says or does something unexpectedly sweet, I am appreciative and feel appreciated. Oh, there's more. There are things in every day life that make me sad. Appreciating the good lifts me up.

10. Prayer. Thanking God every night for the day, praying for blessings for everyone, asking that those who are hungry, cold, hurting in any way are helped and telling my mother, as I do a thousand times a day, I love her- is what I do when I go to bed. I pray in my own way. It's all good. I think prayer is as individual as we are, yet it connects us.

Being thankful, being aware of the small joys in a big world, helps keep the scales balanced and simply makes me a happier person.

So, I guess the small joys in a big world add up to something much larger to me. They build a solid foundation I stand upon when the world often feels like my feet are on shifting sand.


Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

A Short Tale of Two Hummingbirds

by Ellen DuBois on 07/20/16



I now have two little hummingbirds visiting me. The first, who I named "Little Friend", is beautiful and has much less color than my new guest, "Little Red". I thought there'd be trouble when I saw Little Friend dive bomb Little Red out of the air and away from the feeder- right in front of me! You could hear the "thud" and I was shocked! I prayed neither one was hurt. However, they now seem to coexist, each taking separate turns at the feeder. Hopefully, they will make amends and both enjoy a sweet drink at the same time. My BFF told me the one with the vibrant, red color around his neck is the male. Love them both and they make me smile.

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Rant: I think that there are millions and millions of us who get along.

by Ellen DuBois on 07/17/16



"I never thought of myself or the people I interact with on a daily basis, whether they're people I'm meeting for the first time or whether they're people I know- if our skin colors are different, it's not anything I'm consciously aware of.

I guess I'm aware of it right now, as I sit here talking to you, because of everything that is being literally, jammed down my throat on the news.

I know there are some awful, tragic stories that do need to be told. But, I'm here to tell you that every day there are positive, wonderful, perfectly natural, great stories to be told- that need to be told, that need to be shared because if people don't start sharing the good things, (and you might not have even thought of them as being particularly good, because they're normal to you, right)... Like myself, this whole day today, so far, in terms of interacting with all different people - seeing right beyond skin color. It's another human being we're talking about here. They're looking at me as another human being- at least that's what's reflected in their actions towards me and in their attitude towards me and mine towards them.

If we don't start talking about this part of the world, of society, this acceptance that so many of us have, we're going to lose perspective.

You know, a few years ago, I wouldn't have thought to sit here in my car after leaving Macy's and even talk about this. It wouldn't have entered my mind because I didn't feel like it had to. It was not part of my consciousness- it didn't need to be.

Now, all of a sudden I'm sitting here and it's part of my narrative. This observation I made about, "Wow. I'm not having any struggles or difficulties and I feel terrible for the people who are but...

I think that there are millions and millions of us who get along. We do. We're different. We have different skin colors, different beliefs and diverse cultures and everything...but we get along and we always have.

So, I'm here to represent those of you, who like me, who weren't looking at people and going "Oh, wow...that person's black or I'm white or they're Asian or they're Indian or...whatever. You were just going along living your life and it didn't enter your mind because you accept everybody for who they are no matter what their color and they accept you.

And I just feel the need to say it's still happening in the United States of America. There are still millions of us who drive to the mall or wherever we're going and don't even give a thought to color. We all get along. We all go home, continue on with our day. We wake up the next day-  and do it all over again.

So, I guess that's my rant. Thanks for listening. God Bless America."


Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Pets. The Best "Anti-Stress" Medicine Going

by Ellen DuBois on 07/15/16

(This is a repost.)



"The best anti-stress, anti-anxiety-make-you-smile-medicine...ever."- Ellen & Cooper the Rescue Dog.



Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Welcome to The Positive Light

by Ellen DuBois on 07/11/16



I have this saying right above my computer. It helps!



 

Hello and welcome to The Positive Light!

Well, it's time for a blog overhaul and this is it.

I was talking to my friend today and we discussed how scary and overwhelming the news is. It's become easy to fall victim to the negativity, (a word you won't find me using much here), because we're surrounded by it.

After we hung up, I started thinking. I've always wanted to create a paper filled with good news, i.e., inspiring human interest stories, blurbs that make you smile, an amazing tale about a pet, (pardone the pun), and so much more! We are surround by good news and people, places and things that are wonderful.

Trouble is, we don't hear enough about them- especially now. And you know what? Now's when we need it most.

So, along with my blog getting a new name and feel, I also created an online newspaper called, you guessed it, The Positive Light. Here's my note from the editor, (yours truly):

"We are barraged with negative headlines via the Internet, TV, newpapers, radio and just about any other medium you can think of. There is so much good in the world! Yes, there is great news, inspiring stories and ordinary people doing extraordinary things all around us. You may be shaking your head in disagreement. Maybe you want to believe me but are struggling with it. That's because we're all surrounded by what the media brings to light- and The Positive Light is one small way to change what you read, see and subsequently feel for the better. I hope you enjoy reading The Positive Light. I invite you to allow it to balance out the scales of what you see, hear, read and feel- maybe even restore some of your faith in humanity. We're worth it. - Ellen M. DuBois"

Sound good? If it does, I invite you to subscribe (for free) to The Positive Light.

Let's spread some positive vibes and create some balance!

Peace, and thanks for stopping by- Ellen

Oh, and remember, "Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway."

Click here to subscribe to The Positive Light

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Explore Your DNA Today

by Ellen DuBois on 07/10/16



Over one million people are experiencing their genetics with 23andMe. Now it's your turn. Get a DNA kit today.

I've seen the TV commercials for 23andme and have to admit, they've got me curious about my DNA.

Wouldn't it be fun to know your ancestry? Imagine the things you'd discover about yourself! Wouldn't it be helpful to find out if you're a carrier of a specific genetic condition- especially if you're thinking about starting a family? The wellness reports help you make more informed decisions about your diet and exercise while the traits reports give you a better understanding of what makes you...YOU! Explore what makes you unique- from what foods you like to your physical features.

It's pretty exciting. If finding out what your DNA says about you, click on the link below:

Get detailed DNA reports for insights into your health, traits and ancestry. Understand your genetics. Explore your DNA today at 23andMe.com.

Closure or "Necessary Acceptance"?

by Ellen DuBois on 07/03/16



My father and I were taking last week and he told me about a radio show he listened to on WBUR, (out of Boston). He didn't remember the guest doctor's name, but I believe she was a doctor and grief counselor. (I couldn't find the show on BUR to listen to it myself, but I'd like to.)

Given that my father lost his wife and best friend of 54 years about a year and a half ago, I'm sure the show resonated with him. He said as much. It would have with me, too. My father's wife and best friend was also my mother and quite honestly, I'm still adjusting to a world where the sand feels like it's constantly shifting beneath my feet.

I felt the very same way after I miscarried and it lasted for years.

A few minutes into our conversation he brought up what he thought was a very interesting point the doctor made. It was about closure and how it was a word she (the doctor/guest) wished she could strike from the dictionary.

At first, I was a little surprised. Not shocked, but surprised.

Many of the women who make comments or write to me on miscarriagehelp.com long for closure. I felt the same way after my miscarriage.

After listening to my father expound on what he derived from the show, I thought about it some more.

I'm still thinking about it. Everything I've ever thought about closure and how it applies to grief has been rocked, if you will.

So many of us look for closure. It's something we feel will help us as we grieve. The thing is, is there really any closure when you lose someone you love?

Could we be chasing an elusive butterfly?

I thought closure was so important after I miscarried because I didn't have any. I've also said to many of my visitors at miscarriagehelp.com: If you knew why you miscarried, would you feel any better? Would it change anything? I know it wouldn't have for me. In other words, knowing the "why" wouldn't have brought back the baby I lost or lessened the pain I felt. It was palpable. 

If my mother's wake and funeral were considered "closure" it didn't lessen the pain. It didn't help me cope with losing her. I don't miss her any less nor do any other members of my family. Did my mother's wake and funeral provide any "closure" for me? No. It was a way to say goodbye. It was out of love and respect for my mother's life that we had these things. It was a way for family and friends to gather, offer support, show love.

None of us wanted to say goodbye. We were blessed to have people there to help us through the most painful experience we, as a family and as individuals, were experiencing.

I never got the chance to formally say goodbye, surrounded by family and friends, after I miscarried at four months. I longed for the "closure" I thought a proper burial or some sort of ceremony would bring.

I thought it would help, this thing called "closure". But, a year plus after losing my mother, I see the world differently.  No wake or funeral brought me closure. It was a respectful way to honor a life very well lived, surrounded by family and friends who cared about us and my mother.

I believe the doctor my father listened to said, (with regard to closure), ...people are looking for something that simply isn't there.

I'm paraphrasing...but could that be true?

I'm acutely aware that grief is grief and it hurts. No amount of closure can change that. I wasn't looking for closure when my mother died. I went through the motions of a wake and funeral with the rest of my family, somewhat numb to everything as a sort of protection mechanism.

When someone you love dies, be it your mother, a friend, a spouse, the baby you loved and lost to miscarriage, you grieve, hurt and try to get through each day. We trudge through the muck and each of us does the best we can. Some days are easier than others. There are moments we feel we've conquered or overcome the worst of it, only to find ourselves feeling like we've taken three steps back on a bad day.

I don't think any amount of "closure" can help with that.

Again, I didn't have any closure when I lost my baby to miscarriage all those years ago. When my mother passed away a year and a half ago, the wake and funeral didn't feel like closure to me. My faith carried me, often times being the only light I could see. My faith still carries me.

While I think having a funeral or a celebration of life gives us a way to honor the one we've loved, I also know there's no bandaid for grief. We have to go through it. I think it may help to have what we call "closure" (a wake and/or funeral), but it certainly does not change the way we grieve or the depths of our grief.

When it comes to grief and closure I have to ask:

Does closure really exist?

To that end all I can say is my faith carried me though the days, months and years of grieving and healing after my miscarriage and that same faith is carrying me now after the loss of my mother. Just as I learned to put one foot in front of the other while living a "new normal" after my miscarriage, I am doing the same thing after losing my mother. 

There has been a "necessary acceptance", but I wouldn't use the word closure. That implies something is finished. I don't think love ever is.


Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!





This is a wonderful CD. It is by Al and Marlane DuBois, (my parents). If you love piano music, both original pieces and those you already know and love, you will enjoy "It's About Piano, It's About Time! . Listen to the samples. This makes a great gift for anyone who loves quality, beautiful piano music. Perfect for adding ambiance to dinner parties and more. Some of the pieces are perfect for meditation, too.




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