Sometimes, it's hard to feel "Merry" : Thoughtwaves
HomeDream to Publishedebook StoreStory of CatWriter's ResourcesAuthor Bio.Online Newspapers

Welcome to my author page and blog, Thoughtwaves.

My name is Ellen DuBois, and I've been writing since I can remember. I began writing poetry as a child and as I got older, my poems grew with me. Whenever I had to sort out my feelings, I turned to writing because my thoughts became clearer. I still turn to writing. It's been a constant, faithful companion.

Turning adversity into something positive has been a theme in my writing. From poetry and lyrics to short articles and essays, I seem to gravitate to issues of the heart and my faith in God, Jesus, the angels- spirituality.

Eleven years after a devestating miscarriage, I wrote a short ebook about my experiences and emotions. Several years later, I wrote more about coping with miscarriage and I Never Held You was published as a paperback by a small, traditional publisher. A few years later, in 2009, I republished my book with Createspace. I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

My works have appeared in books ranging from anxiety attacks to inspirational collections of poetry and stories. I've also been lucky enough to be published by Blue Mountain Arts. I feel blessed to have been included in these books/greeting cards and plan on "pushing forward".

Please visit my author page, Ellen M. DuBois, on by clicking here.

Be well and God Bless, Ellen

Sometimes, it's hard to feel "Merry"

by Ellen DuBois on 12/04/16


I get it. I remember how tough the Christmas following my miscarriage was. All I could think about was the baby I lost. I was consumed with thoughts like:

 It's hard to feel merry. It feels like the world is celebrating and I'm stuck on pause.

This should be our first Christmas together.

How can I feel happy when inside I'm so sad?

Nothing feels right. The whole world feels different.

When will I feel like me again?

I feel like I'm going to lose it.

How can I be around all these people when inside I feel like I'm screaming?

Doesn't anyone understand that I'm grieving?

I know what it's like and I can tell you that although you will never forget your baby, things will get easier for you in time. If your wounds are very raw right now, please know that your best is good enough. Just take everything one day at a time and if you need to "step away", you can.

Pray for strength. Pray for comfort. Ask the angels to surround you this Christmas and give you some peace. Take some deep breaths. What others may think about your loss really doesn't matter. You have every right to feel and in time you will heal.

Christmas was tough for me for a long time. Even now, when my baby would have been a 25 year old, I think of him, particularly on Christmas. I have an ornament hanging on the tree with his name on it. No, I will never forget my baby and I certainly don't expect you will. I hope you find some comfort in feeling your little one's spirit near you.

On the flip side, if you do find yourself smiling, or a feeling of peace and happiness surfaces, please allow yourself to feel that, too. It's a gift and even while you're grieving, you can still feel joy. As Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, "You can grieve and live at the same time." (That has stuck with me, especially since the loss of my mother.)

"Sometimes it's hard to feel merry. It feels like the world is celebrating and I'm stuck on pause. That's what grief does."- Ellen M. DuBois

My heart goes out to all who are grieving this Christmas and holiday season. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and comfort to you,


Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Comments (0)

Leave a comment

Ellen DuBois is the host of Host of, Creator of Hope Angel Bracelets and Piano teacher/Proprietor at Rhapsody Music Lessons in Easton, Massachusetts.

This is a wonderful CD. It is by Al and Marlane DuBois, (my parents). If you love piano music, both original pieces and those you already know and love, you will enjoy "It's About Piano, It's About Time! . Listen to the samples. This makes a great gift for anyone who loves quality, beautiful piano music. Perfect for adding ambiance to dinner parties and more. Some of the pieces are perfect for meditation, too.

English Grammar
English grammar writing software for all writing styles

Powered by WebRing.