Life Since My #Miscarriage, 27 Years Later. : Thoughtwaves
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Welcome to my author page and blog, Thoughtwaves.

My name is Ellen DuBois, and I've been writing since I can remember. I began writing poetry as a child and as I got older, my poems grew with me. Whenever I had to sort out my feelings, I turned to writing because my thoughts became clearer. I still turn to writing. It's been a constant, faithful companion.

Turning adversity into something positive has been a theme in my writing. From poetry and lyrics to short articles and essays, I seem to gravitate to issues of the heart and my faith in God, Jesus, the angels- spirituality.

Eleven years after a devestating miscarriage, I wrote a short ebook about my experiences and emotions. Several years later, I wrote more about coping with miscarriage and I Never Held You was published as a paperback by a small, traditional publisher. A few years later, in 2009, I republished my book with Createspace. I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

My works have appeared in books ranging from anxiety attacks to inspirational collections of poetry and stories. I've also been lucky enough to be published by Blue Mountain Arts. I feel blessed to have been included in these books/greeting cards and plan on "pushing forward".

Please visit my author page, Ellen M. DuBois, on by clicking here.

Be well and God Bless, Ellen

Life Since My #Miscarriage, 27 Years Later.

by Ellen DuBois on 04/23/18

(This post is from my site, but I wanted to share it here, too.)

Today marks the day I lost my baby 27 years ago. It's a day that changed my life. My whole path shifted direction when I miscarried. What I thought would be and what was were suddenly very different.

No matter when you suffer a miscarriage, it's not something you forget. As I learned, life pushes on. However, in those dark, scary days, weeks and months and even years after I miscarried, I had a very tough time keeping up with life. So many times I felt like grief consumed me and I was going through the motions.

Looking back, I see how over time, I began to find myself again. It took a long time and I never, not even once, forgot about the baby I loved and never got to hold. He touched my heart and my life in so many ways.

How? Losing my baby prompted me to write a book years later on my experiences, grief, healing. There wasn't much available back then and I was so frustrated with the disappointment I felt every time I searched for a book to help me cope and make me feel less alone. My little Alex, (I named him), was the reason for this website. I wanted a place to share in our experiences after miscarriage to again, make us feel less isolated in our pain.

There's no time limit, no right or wrong way to grieve. There's no date marked on the calendar saying, "Okay. Enough. You can get on with it now." You just do the best you can, like I did. Like so many of us who miscarried have. Your best is good enough. I wish I knew that back then. I always felt my best wasn't good enough because I felt I was barely scraping by in everything I did.

My marriage suffered. I won't blame the ending of my marriage on my miscarriage, but I do know communicating with your spouse/partner is so important. Otherwise, those feelings can eat you up inside and drive a wedge between you and your partner. 

Every day tasks, like grocery shopping felt like I was climbing Mount Everest because I suffered such anxiety after I miscarried. I can't tell you the number of times I had to stop what I was doing and take a deep breath, or pull over for a few minutes until my panic attacks subsided. It was so frightening.

I'm telling you all this because I want you to know that if you're feeling any of these things, you are not alone. It's not new because I felt them years ago. What's been changing is the way miscarriage is talked about more. I'm very thankful for that because I know what it's like to feel you've got nobody, even when you're surrounded by people you love.

(I also learned I was never truly alone because I always had God and the angels by my side, even when I didn't feel like I did.)

I've come a long way since that dark time so long ago. But, I've never forgotten my baby, what it felt like to miscarry and how alone I felt. That's why I'm still here, reaching out to let you know you're not alone. 

I wish you comfort and healing- and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Here's a great, big hug- Ellen


Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me.
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The Daily- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

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Ellen DuBois is the host of Host of, Creator of Hope Angel Bracelets and Piano teacher/Proprietor at Rhapsody Music Lessons in Easton, Massachusetts.

This is a wonderful CD. It is by Al and Marlane DuBois, (my parents). If you love piano music, both original pieces and those you already know and love, you will enjoy "It's About Piano, It's About Time! . Listen to the samples. This makes a great gift for anyone who loves quality, beautiful piano music. Perfect for adding ambiance to dinner parties and more. Some of the pieces are perfect for meditation, too.

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