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Welcome to my author page and blog, Thoughtwaves.

My name is Ellen DuBois, and I've been writing since I can remember. I began writing poetry as a child and as I got older, my poems grew with me. Whenever I had to sort out my feelings, I turned to writing because my thoughts became clearer. I still turn to writing. It's been a constant, faithful companion.

Turning adversity into something positive has been a theme in my writing. From poetry and lyrics to short articles and essays, I seem to gravitate to issues of the heart and my faith in God, Jesus, the angels- spirituality.

Eleven years after a devestating miscarriage, I wrote a short ebook about my experiences and emotions. Several years later, I wrote more about coping with miscarriage and I Never Held You was published as a paperback by a small, traditional publisher. A few years later, in 2009, I republished my book with Createspace. I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

My works have appeared in books ranging from anxiety attacks to inspirational collections of poetry and stories. I've also been lucky enough to be published by Blue Mountain Arts. I feel blessed to have been included in these books/greeting cards and plan on "pushing forward".

Please visit my author page, Ellen M. DuBois, on Amazon.com by clicking here.

Be well and God Bless, Ellen

Thoughtwaves

I Am Too: An Accounting of Faith, Hope and Love (By Alfred. E. DuBois)

by Ellen DuBois on 06/08/18



I Am Too

Part One: An Accounting of Faith, Hope and Love

By: Alfred E. DuBois

The following is true. Names have been changed in respect of privacy. Family names are authentic.

The day was overcast and dreary as I sat alone on a bench on the north side of the village green. The green in the center of the town square was surrounded by non descript, concrete buildings devoid of any signs, neon lights or ads promoting businesses, although I was sure there were some there. With the overcast and fog they just weren't visible.

Where I was sitting was largely unpopulated, while the southern end of the green was quite crowded with men, women and children in abundance. That was fine with me. I just wanted to be alone and relax, not realizing this was not to be.

A couple approached me and the gentleman offered a courteous "Hello" which I returned. The woman spoke. "Al, are you coming to the Door and Window Festival tonight?" I was quite taken aback by how this woman I never saw before in my life knew my name and what the hell was a Door and Window Festival?

"I don't think so," said I, unknowingly encouraging her to tell me what a "Door and Window Festival" was all about.

"Oh, you should come" she said. "We do it every year. There's fun and games for the kids, lots of music, great food. I know you'll have a great time. See you there?" It was part question, part "See you there!" command.

"Maybe," I compromised. They continued on their way, leaving me alone once again.

At this point, a short, perky gentleman with a quick step was walking by my bench and said "Hi Al." I recognized him as Pat Marony, a former lector at a Catholic church I was organist at for fourteen years- about forty years ago, and returned the greeting. Pat and I had been quite friendly in those days and often had coffee and doughnuts together between Sunday masses. The only problem was Pat had died from Alzheimer's about fifteen or twenty years ago. Surely, although sharing a physical resemblance, this was clearly a case of mistaken identity.

I decided to get up and walk around the green to stretch and loosen up a bit. As I neared the crowd, a woman who looked all the world like a former neighbor, Loraine Weaver, approached me smiling.

"Al, so good to see you." She looked away for a moment, then returned to face me again. She looked totally unfamiliar- definitely was not Loraine and continued. "It'll be so good to see you two together tonight. It's been a long time."

I wondered, didn't she know my wife had died ten months ago? What was going on?

"Well, maybe one of us," I said.

She simply smiled and walked away.

One thing I should have mentioned earlier: in addition to the park benches like I was sitting on, the green was covered with picnic tables from end to end. There were far more tables than park benches, obviously in preparation for the night's festivities, but being alone, I had elected a bench.

While sitting and looking around at the people I thought for a moment I saw Marlane, my deceased wife among them. She was some distance away, not distinctly clear, but certainly resembled Marlane in appearance. I stood to get a better view but in the process lost her in the crowd.

I sat back down, disappointed at myself for thinking the impossible and noticing that while the tables at the southern end of the green were quickly filling up, the northern end was still pretty sparse. I decided to move to one of the empty tables for a change of pace.

I looked around, taking another view of the preparation for the upcoming event. I saw that it was beginning to take shape. Some food, buffet style, was being set up and the crowd was beginning to grow. I sighed, sat back, closed my eyes, reopened them looking to my right, then to my left and stopped. There, two tables away, she was sitting alone staring at me. "Hello there."

My heart was pounding. My hands were sweating. I had so many things to say. "Hi."

If you offered me a million dollars to tell you what happened next I couldn't. I know we exchanged small talk. It was pleasant, not profound or memorable. I looked around, sighed and looked back toward her, wanting to tell her so many things.

She was gone.

About this time I was approached by two men wearing official looking name tags, obviously on a mission. It turned out they wanted me to play the piano at the "Door and Window Festival" in exchange for which they would give me a free ten dollar admission ticket. I somewhat reluctantly agreed hoping another, more productive meeting with Marlane would result.

It's funny how things work. I might not be the quickest guy in the world or the brightest light on the tree, but it was finally beginning to occur to me that this entire happening, real as it seemed, was a dream. The people I was meeting, at once familiar and non familiar, were actually products of my desire to be with my wife of more than fifty four years, hold her and tell her what I should have told her more often over those years. A guilt trip that haunts me and I am sure many others who have lost a devoted partner they all think prematurely.

I was thinking about this when the two name tags showed up again. They couldn't find the piano, but wanted to give me the ticket anyway since I had offered to play it. I accepted and told them to keep looking. If they found it, I would play it.

Returning to my table, which was still unoccupied although those all the way to the middle of the green were quickly filling in, I relaxed as best I could, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I opened them quickly. Marlane was sitting two tables away again staring at me.

She had changed and was wearing one of my favorite outfits. Her red blouse was gracefully framed by a white sweater and she looked radiant. There wasn't a wrinkle anywhere on her face and looked to be in her early forties. She was smiling that infectious grin and I was angry.

Angry because I realized this was a dream, that I would awaken soon and it would all be gone. How could I tell her gently? How could I not show the anger and frustration I was feeling?

I gripped a hold of the edge of the table while rising to a standing position. This was it.

"This isn't real" I said loudly. "I am dreaming!" Almost a scream.

She had a three word reply but it wasn't to come within the dream. As I lay on my back in bed I felt her breath in my right ear and heard her voice, not loud, but clear, personal and up close. "I am too!"

The vision in the dream disappeared before I could open my eyes. I almost expected to see and feel her next to me but knew she wouldn't be.

This had been far more than a dream. She was in mine and I was in hers at the same time. "I am too" calmly, clearly in control, unlike my angry outburst. No longer agnostic, there is no doubt in my mind that there is an after life, she is in it, enjoying it and is okay.

Therefore, "I am too."

I Am Too

Part Two: The Connection

I had made one of my rare visits to the cemetery where my parents Alfred and Ellen, son David and wife Marlane are buried on Wednesday, October fifteenth, 2015. This was probably my third time since my wife had passed away January third of this year. Although I have a short conversation and offer some prayers daily, visiting cemeteries is just not my thing. We all react differently to these situations.

In part one I wrote about what occurred within and after the dream Thursday night. I did this Friday morning while the vivid details and the feeling of Marlane's warm breath upon my ear were fresh on my mind.

What happened Friday night blew me away.

I have three wonderful daughters named Debbie, Ellen and Lori in their forties and early fifties. None of us have ever really been into the psychic or paranormal. I say that fully realizing some events defy explanation.

Lori, the youngest of the three has a daughter who began her freshman year in high school this fall and a son who entered middle school the same time. Her friend Kerry has the same combination so they have come up with a perfect carpool arrangement to efficiently transport their kids to and from school each day. Debbie, Ellen and I have never met Kerry so we do not know her, although she and Lori as well as their children are good friends.

That Friday evening Kerry attended a showing by a well know medium which drew an audience of about two hundred people.

I am attempting to recreate what happened next as accurately as possible since I was not there and am relying on descriptions by Lori and Ellen originally, given to Lori by Kerry.

As the medium was moving around the hall she reported strong vibes when close to Kerry. "Does someone near me know an Ellen?" A few hands raised in response. All knew a deceased Ellen, some passing away years ago, others more recently. "No, this Ellen is alive and someone from the other side is trying to communicate with her." The medium explained.

As she moved around the room the vibes grew weaker but became strong again when Kerry was approached. "Does someone near me know a Lori?" Kerry hesitantly raised her hand. "The vibes are really strong" said the medium. "Are you sure you don't know an Ellen?"

"Positive" was the reply.

"All right" said the medium, abruptly changing direction and leading into another question. "Did the Lori you know recently lose her mother to lung disease?"

Kerry, dumbfounded, nervously answered "Yes."

The vibes were very strong and the following quote is exactly, word for word, as Kerry reported to Lori. "This woman is very adamant you get this message to Lori. I'm okay. I'm breathing."

"That's it?"

"That's it!"

Upon returning home later that evening, Kerry knew exactly what she had to do in spite of the late hour.

She phoned Lori, explaining that she had seen a medium earlier and she had to ask Lori the question that had been on her mind the entire drive home. "Do you know anyone named Ellen?"

Lori replied, "I have a sister Ellen."

"Oh, my God."

At this point, bursting with curiosity, Lori shouted, "What?"

"I have a message from your mother. The medium said she was adamant I get this message to you and Ellen. I'm okay. I'm breathing!"

Moments later Lori was on the phone with Ellen. Needless to say, they were overcome with emotion and excitement. As they began to calm down, Lori wondered aloud why Debbie and I were not included in the adamant message. They had the answer the next morning when I called Ellen about a completely unrelated matter.

At the very moment they were on the phone together, I was sitting in the kitchen at my house reading Debbie the recently completed manuscript for "I Am Too. An Accounting of Faith, Hope and Love." The messages, though different, were being exchanged among family members at the exact same time and were meant to reassure us that all is well. We know it is real.

That's the way Marlane plans things.

Note: This was written by my father, Alfred E. DuBois.

In the end, it comes down to LOVE. #Repost #grief #writingtoheal #missingmom

by Ellen DuBois on 06/08/18



You know those moments when you come across a picture and it completely tears at your heart? Yeah. Just happened. But, faith gets you through it. Love pushes you forward, keeps you connected and dries the tears. The belief in a life so beautiful after this one cushions the ache of missing someone so much it physically hurts. Finally, the importance of treasuring every moment you have with your family- every, single one, is fully awakened. Do it for you. Do it for God. Do it because you may regret it if you don't. I loved my mother so much and miss her equally as much. Thank God she knew how much she was loved by my whole family. And we knew she loved us. In the end, it all comes down to... LOVE.





Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Mom In Heaven, Today is Your Birthday

by Ellen DuBois on 04/26/18




Mom in Heaven,

Today is your birthday, I'm thinking of you.
But, that's not unusual - I always do.
If given a wish, I know would come true-
I'd wish for one more day to spend with you.

Ellen M. DuBois, 2018

What more can I say?







Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Life Since My #Miscarriage, 27 Years Later.

by Ellen DuBois on 04/23/18

(This post is from my miscarriagehelp.com site, but I wanted to share it here, too.)





Today marks the day I lost my baby 27 years ago. It's a day that changed my life. My whole path shifted direction when I miscarried. What I thought would be and what was were suddenly very different.

No matter when you suffer a miscarriage, it's not something you forget. As I learned, life pushes on. However, in those dark, scary days, weeks and months and even years after I miscarried, I had a very tough time keeping up with life. So many times I felt like grief consumed me and I was going through the motions.

Looking back, I see how over time, I began to find myself again. It took a long time and I never, not even once, forgot about the baby I loved and never got to hold. He touched my heart and my life in so many ways.

How? Losing my baby prompted me to write a book years later on my experiences, grief, healing. There wasn't much available back then and I was so frustrated with the disappointment I felt every time I searched for a book to help me cope and make me feel less alone. My little Alex, (I named him), was the reason for this website. I wanted a place to share in our experiences after miscarriage to again, make us feel less isolated in our pain.

There's no time limit, no right or wrong way to grieve. There's no date marked on the calendar saying, "Okay. Enough. You can get on with it now." You just do the best you can, like I did. Like so many of us who miscarried have. Your best is good enough. I wish I knew that back then. I always felt my best wasn't good enough because I felt I was barely scraping by in everything I did.

My marriage suffered. I won't blame the ending of my marriage on my miscarriage, but I do know communicating with your spouse/partner is so important. Otherwise, those feelings can eat you up inside and drive a wedge between you and your partner. 

Every day tasks, like grocery shopping felt like I was climbing Mount Everest because I suffered such anxiety after I miscarried. I can't tell you the number of times I had to stop what I was doing and take a deep breath, or pull over for a few minutes until my panic attacks subsided. It was so frightening.

I'm telling you all this because I want you to know that if you're feeling any of these things, you are not alone. It's not new because I felt them years ago. What's been changing is the way miscarriage is talked about more. I'm very thankful for that because I know what it's like to feel you've got nobody, even when you're surrounded by people you love.

(I also learned I was never truly alone because I always had God and the angels by my side, even when I didn't feel like I did.)

I've come a long way since that dark time so long ago. But, I've never forgotten my baby, what it felt like to miscarry and how alone I felt. That's why I'm still here, reaching out to let you know you're not alone. 

I wish you comfort and healing- and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Here's a great, big hug- Ellen






 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.


Thoughtwaves March 8, 2018

by Ellen DuBois on 03/08/18

Thoughtwaves

I've had this blog for some time and unlike my other blogs, (miscarriagehelp.com and a fashion blog), I've never felt a strong, resonating sense of purpose in my posts.

I've been all over the board and back again.

For as much as I wanted an inspired, purpose driven blog, I never seemed honed in or inspired enough to find my path. It seems inspiration has found me,  so I renamed my blog Thoughtwaves.

There are a couple of reasons for the name. First, as I sit here typing alone in my music teaching studio, the song my mother wrote, (Thoughtwaves), is playing in the background. I feel her love and energy enfold me. It is both beautiful and bittersweet. She passed away three years ago. Her music spoke to me, as if beckoning me to rename and revamp my entire blog. Thoughtwaves felt like the right name. 

First step done.

Next was the need to write something that felt like it had substance. For a while, my writing has reflected where my head's been at- fragmented and unfocused, perhaps afraid to dive into what lies beneath the surface. That's an excuse I no longer want to use. "Fear is faith inverted." - Florence Scovel Shinn. Life's always going to be a mix- busy, not so busy, happy, sad, etc. There's always something worth writing about and a way to make time to do it. (I'm writing this in between students.)

Find your passion. One of my greatest passions is my spirituality. I want to write about the ups and downs of life, good energy and what I do when it's not-so-good. God, angels, people, meditation, prayer, our connection, the unseen but felt, the afterlife (along with signs from the afterlife) are what I think about, read about and am passionate about. They are my truth and are substantial. 

Here's a light hearted example of something simple but so powerful: It felt wonderful when the person ahead of me paid for my coffee yesterday. Such an unexpected surprise! A complete stranger paid for my coffee and the guy at the window told me it'd been going on for about ten minutes. Just think of it: customer after customer paying for the person's coffee behind them. Without hesitation, I paid for the person behind me. I felt a deep sense of gratitude and a "high" from keeping the pay it forward going.

I received positive energy and gave it back. It's an awesome, simple thing that's incredibly uplifting.

The key is keeping that great feeling. Outside forces can easily bring me down.

My take away from this: Don't let negative energy rob you of your light. Focus on love, gratitude and whatever makes you feel good inside. Walk away if a disagreement is about to begin. Try to keep your cool and in the words of the late Dr. Wayne Dyer, "Choose being kind over being right." 

I got a bit side tracked, but I think you get my drift.

Remember, you are a wonderful, Divine creation of God's. I realize that my bliss is always inside me. There are days when I have to look a bit harder, but it's there.

Love and Light to you,

Ellen




Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Why is the price of my book so HIGH?

by Ellen DuBois on 03/01/18



Why is one of the sellers of my book, I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery,  pricing it so high on Amazon? I mean, who would pay over six-hundred dollars, (you read that right), for a copy of my book? For ANY book, unless it's highly collectible?


I don't understand this, but I'm looking into it. I've discovered, through my limited research, that I'm not alone. There are more authors and sellers of other merchandise, (not limited to books), who, for whatever reasons, have their products show up with independent sellers at extremely high prices.

I don't get it...but I will. This doesn't feel right because, I suspect, it's not. I simply haven't had the time to dive in and get to the bottom of it.

I will, and when I come up with anything, I'm going to #writeaboutit.

If you're wondering, the price of my book, I Never Held You, in paperback, is $11.99. Not even close to the ridiculous $607.69 one seller lists it for.

It's frustrating, but my frustration serves me well. It drives me to discover why the price of my book is so high with a particular seller.

Until then, 

Ellen

PS- If you click on the link below, you'll see how my book appears on  Amazon. It's when you look into the "other sellers" that you find the prices going up... and up... and up!

I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery



Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Another School Shooting? This CAN'T Be Our Kid's "New Normal" #kidslivesmatter

by Ellen DuBois on 02/15/18





"At least 17 people were killed when a teen opened fire with a semiautomatic rifle at a high school in Parkland, Florida, on Wednesday afternoon, officials said."

I stand heartbroken before you with the rest of this country- with the rest of the world. Another school shooting? This CAN'T be our kid's 'new normal'.

I don't have the answers, but I'm willing to help try to come up with something. ANYTHING. I can't stand by and watch yet another newscast telling me there's been another shooting.

Our children are being massacred by psychos with guns. Yes, I said psychos and if that's not politically correct, I don't offer an apology.

It's not about politics. First and foremost, it's about the children, the ones we are supposed to be able to protect, being shot down in cold blood. It's also about the teachers and other victims of these horrific shootings that defy reason . There is no reason when it comes to evil. Additionally, it's about unstable people with guns who never, EVER should have had them in the first place.

"The number of mass shootings around the country in 2018 continues to climb. According to data from the Gun Violence Archive, a total of 30 mass shooting incidents have occurred as of February 14, including Wednesday's school shooting in Florida."- www.abc15.com

What are we going to do? How are we going to protect our children? How are we going to protect ANY innocent bystander who gets caught in the crossfire of someone who is mentally deranged?

School shootings. Nightclub shootings. Concert shootings...Enough!

I'm grasping at straws as I try to comprehend yet another tragic shooting. I can't wrap my brain around it. I cry when I think about the lives lost and the families of the victims. My heart goes out to those who survived, too. I can't imagine what this atrocity did to the kids who lived it, saw it and felt such fear and terror. We've got some very serious PTSD to address and it's in our schools. It's seems unreal, but this nightmare is very real.

I believe we have to get to the root of the problem: unstable, mentally deranged people who are going on killing sprees. This is not a political statement. I know guns don't shoot themselves- people do. And the ones who do it are sick and don't give a damn about any law. All the legislation in the world isn't going to stop them because they don't care about laws and legislation.

I, along with millions of others, feel helpless. But, I can't be helpless because children depend of adults to be helpful. For the love of God, keep your eyes open. Listen. Our kids need to know they can report any suspicious behavior/activity to an adult without repercussion. Sort out what's accurate after it's investigated- let's not wait to act. If we do, it'll be too late. Listen to the concerns of children when they say "so and so is being violent, weird, making threats or creepy" and take every word seriously. Don't be afraid to speak up to authorities and to each other. We all need to be vigilant and LOOK UP AND AROUND instead of down. We all need to notice the world and the people around us- beyond our cell phones.

It's a start.

We need to protect each other. This can't be our kid's new normal.

I have to add this: While I believe in a person's right to bear arms, I also believe in background checks. I believe there is no need for anyone, except for the military and law enforcement, to carry assault rifles, which are capable of fully automatic firing.  #kidslivesmatter

Ellen M. DuBois

Blizzard2018- Both Beauty and Beast.

by Ellen DuBois on 01/05/18



Looking out my window this morning, I couldn't help thinking about winters as a kid back in the 70's and 80's, (mostly the 70's). The piles of snow reminded me of snowforts we spent hours building. We played in them until our mothers called us in. We were thrilled to get "snow days".


But, there's a flip side to adulthood, too. You see things you didn't when you were a kid. (The same applies in reverse). 

Yesterday's blizzard was pretty epic. My heart goes out to all those who were flooded and forced out of their homes by mother nature. I can't even imagine. Being about 20 minutes south of Boston, I watched Channel 5 (WCVB) in part horror/part awe. A dumpster was being pushed down the street in Boston by the flooding water. High tide, full moon and storm surge. That's something I'd never seen before. 

In the light of a fridged but sunny, new day, I took some pictures from my vantage put- somewhere in the middle. I'm an adult who realizes some people were hit terribly hard by this storm, yet I also see the beauty in things through somewhat child-like eyes.

To all who were in the path of this blizzard, I hope you are safe, warm, dry and dug out.

This snowstorm was indeed both beauty and beast.



Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Feeding the Birds: A Calming, Spiritual Experience

by Ellen DuBois on 01/01/18

I started feeding the birds during the summer of 2015 with a hummingbird feeder by my front porch.



It didn't take long for me to become completely fascinated by the beautiful, tiny birds. Watching them quickly sip on sugar water has not only entertained me, I've also been in awe of nature and its beauty. I've become more acutely aware of how perfectly made God's creations are. 


Feeding the birds has become a calming, spiritual experience.

In both 2016 and 2017, I made sure I had a hummingbird feeder out front and plan to hang the feeder again in 2018. I've spent much of my free time, (in the case of hummingbirds, late spring and summer), basking in the joy those tiny, beautiful miracles of nature deliver. (Although "free time" can be hard to come by, feeding the birds is a great way to spend it. It's "destressing" time.)

During the winter of 2017, I expanded my (still) novice bird feeding by hanging a suet feeder. Shortly after discovering how much squirrels love to break in and steal the food from the feeder,



I bought a sturdy, mesh feeder meant for various types of birds...cardinals included.




It's fascinating how determined squirrels are to get the coveted bird food- no matter what kind of feeder it's in. I should have known that nothing would stop them after having a squirrel chew through the heavy, thick plastic of my trash barrel to feast on whatever morsels he found. (I have since moved the suet feeder so the squirrel can't pry it open and steal the entire block of suet.) Being the "sap" I am,  I've grown fond on this little guy, (I named him Harry), and don't want to see him go hungry, either. It seems the squirrel(s) and birds are coexisting, although I often have to let "Harry" know when he's being a glutton.




Anyway, after hanging my new mesh feeder, I nestled on the couch in the warmth of the den and looked out the sliding glass doors. I watched the feeder sway in the cold wind couldn't wait to see the first bird come to dine. It took about ten minutes for the first of the birds to arrive.



Beautiful, little Black Capped Chickadees are wonderful to watch. Their markings make them easy to spot and they're such hearty little birds! (I only knew what kind of bird this was by googling "black and white winter birds". Also, a friend on Facebook told me she's got a ton of them in her yard.)

I find myself wanting to check on the bird feeder quite often to see who's come to dinner. Whenever birds are there, I am drawn to watch them. The way they pull food out of the mesh shows me how strong they are. Some birds stay and feast at the feeder while others take one seed at a time, fly off and come back for more. There are others who prefer to gather seeds that fell to the ground, making sure none are left behind. I've seen small birds, medium sized birds and some larger ones and so many colors and markings.  With each type I see, I try to research them based on the pictures I take to learn what they are. After all, I'm a newbie at this. 

In these record-setting, bitterly cold New England temperatures, feeding the birds makes me feel good. I can only imagine how it must be to hunt for food while the earth lies dormant and frozen. However, unlike people, birds are amazingly resilient. God created them with the tools necessary to survive these bone-chilling temps. 

I'm thankful He did. Watching the birds quiets me and makes me smile. I swear I feel my whole body calm, including my breathing. I disconnect from my running thoughts, phone, computer and anything else that's "plugged in" and simply enjoy nature in all its glory. 

I was excited and grateful when a cardinal came to the bird feeder! I've always loved these gorgeous birds and consider them to be quite spiritual, especially since the passing of my mother. When I saw the one pictured below, you'd think I'd won the lottery. 



I look forward to seeing more types of birds and learning about them. I know I'll laugh when I see "Harry the Squirrel" make his way to the feeder to get "his share". I'll gently knock on the window when I think he's had enough, (he can be quite the pig). Setting up my HandyCam on a tripod so I can film my fine feathered friends is very fun- I don't know what'll be on there until I look.  The shutterbug in me enjoys getting great shots with my 35mm camera. My phone is great for quick pictures and short recordings, too.

Feeding the birds has taken my already strong connection to nature and strengthened it. It's also given me cause to stop and focus more intensly on life, what's real and our connection to nature. In may case, feeding the birds is a very spiritual thing. To enjoy the wonder of God's creations is something many of us find little, if any, time for. Speaking for myself, it's one of the best and most therapeutic things I do. 

Indeed, a spiritual experience.

The piece de resistance for me: The Cardinal. It's no wonder it's hard to take your eyes off his stunning, red color.



As I embark upon my bird feeding journey, I will learn more as I go along. I don't know what the best bird foods are to buy, but I know people who do. My best friend has been at this for a long time and she's already given me some great advice and tips. Another couple I'm friends with has an array of feeders, too and I'm sure they'll be giving me tips and pointers as I go along.

I think I'll go feed the birds now and enjoy the serenity watching them brings.





All Photos were taken by and are the property of Ellen M. DuBois. Please do not use without permission.


Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Grieving During the Holiday Season

by Ellen DuBois on 12/23/17



To all those missing their babies and other loved ones who are in Heaven, my heart goes out to you. This time of year can be tough. You're "supposed" to be happy, but may find yourself struggling with grief, sadness and perhaps feeling ovewhelmed. There are so many emotions, from joy to great sadness. I know the feeling and want you to know you're not alone. Hang in there, and I'm keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

I love you and miss you more than you know. Christmas is coming- the streets seem to glow. I hear carolers singing and see lights shining bright. It should make me warm on this cold winter night. But, I miss you my dear one. I can't help but cry. I need to slow down and sit for a while. When I close my eyes, it feels like you're here. Was that you or an angel, who just dried my tears? Your spirit warms me in the cold, winter air. I know you're beside me, even though you're not "here".- Ellen M. DuBois

Love and comfort to you,

Ellen


Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Are they debating about Dr. Suess on TV?

by Ellen DuBois on 09/29/17



I cannot believe it.
I cannot conceive it.
Are they debating about
Dr. Suess on TV?
They say he's a racist
and not a good person.
My God, is there anything
on which we agree?
What did it to to my poor little head
as I read Dr. Suess when I went to bed?
Was I ruined for life
because of his books?
Did I turn out so bad-
like a thief or a crook?
Melania tried to give out some books-
and she was treated like a thief and a crook!
There are places in trouble
with no power, no food!
We must gather together
for human kind's good!
So why do they accuse Dr. Suess on TV,
of being a racist to the Nth degree?
Aren't there more important
things to discuss?
Like earthquakes, hurricanes,
those left in the dust?
But a book, many books,
are at the core of the news.
I simply don't get it
and I'm not amused.
Are we such a narrow-minded society,
that we argue about Dr. Suess on TV?
It's almost laughable, but sickened, I am.
I think I will go eat some GREEN EGGS AND HAM!

Ellen M. DuBois
9-29-2017

Wrote a prayer. #PrayersForFlorida #PrayersforTexas #Prayers

by Ellen DuBois on 09/09/17



Dear God, Hear our prayers for those affected by hurricanes, wildfires, earthquakes- all natural disasters. God bless all people and animals who have been hurt, displaced, are afraid and who have lost so much. May the angels watch over and keep safe all beings who are in the path of these natural disasters. Please protect those who are aiding in rescue and clean up efforts. Help us join together as one to assist all who are in need to the best of our ability. Amen.
Ellen M. DuBois


Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!


I Survived Childhood Without a Cell Phone (and liked it!)

by Ellen DuBois on 08/03/17



I am so glad I was born at a time when technology didn't rule my life. I played outside when the weather was good, and used my imagination inside when the weather was bad. Yes, I watched TV and there were some pretty good shows on. But, I also used my God-given imagination and with the help of books, Barbie dolls, HotWheels, listening to and playing music, I had a great time- a great childhood. If I wanted to see a friend, I walked to their house, knocked on the door and asked if "so and so" could come out and play. If I wanted to play a game, I interacted with my sisters and/or some friends. We talked. We laughed! If I wanted to share something with a girlfriend, we talked face to face either outside, sitting in one of our bedrooms or on the phone, (the one with a cord attached to it and mounted onto a wall). Oh, and when that same phone rang at dinner time, we weren't allowed to talk. It was dinner time and my sisters and I were expected to eat at the table, as a family. We communicated, listened, sometimes shared a laugh and had to clean our plates because poor people were starving and the thought of wasting food was a sin. (Admittedly, I often snuck pieces of what I didn't like under the table for the dog to enjoy.) When I rode my bike for the first time without training wheels, I smashed into a neighbor's car and they didn't sue us. When my mother wanted me to come home for dinner, I heard her voice because she had to yell for me, not call or text me. Oh, and I ran. I respected that call to come in. My girlfriend and I put on shows, dressed up in my mother's clothes, and that was entertainment! I knew the pure joy of playing in the rain in the summer, (provided there wasn't any thunder and lightening), and building snow forts in the winter until my mother called us in because before we turned blue from the cold. I explored the woods behind our house in the spring and marveled at the first flowers blooming in May. Scampering through the colored leaves of fall was a blast. Raking those leaves was not- but we did it. I rode my "Dill Pickle" bike and appreciated it. If I left it on its side at the base of the driveway, I was ordered to go get it and put it where it belonged. I respected what was mine and what belonged to others. I spent my childhood looking up, down, all around, seeing tall trees, the sky, the flowers. I stared at clouds as they changed shaped and caught fireflies at night. Fireworks were an amazing Fourth of July spectacle and getting a new pair of sneakers was a big deal! I even had "school clothes" and "play clothes". Why? Because I played, and played hard. The dirt and grass stains reflected that. The kids in my neighborhood didn't know what a "play date" was. We simply went outside to see who was around. Our neighbor's pool was a welcome oasis in the summertime. Snowball fights, building snowmen and watching snowflakes fall underneath the streetlight captivated me and made me smile. When my friends and sisters were busy, I found ways to entertain myself and grow. I did my homework, practiced the organ and piano, read books, sang to my parent's 45's and 33's in the "playroom" for hours. It was a real treat when I got to stay up past my bedtime when a special was on TV. When our neighbor's got Atari, Pac-Man, Asteroids, Donkey Kong, Centipede, Pole Position and Mario Brothers were like a whole new world to me! I loved playing those games. But, there was a limit and I had to go home eventually. Those games were a treat and so much fun, but they weren't something I did every day. They weren't a way of life. Nope. I grew up playing hop scotch, scatter, tag, hide and seek, riding my bike, exploring the woods, walking to the store, going to the playground, picking up after myself, doing dishes, being with my family and so much more. I saw things some would consider simple, like rainbows, frogs, tadpoles, planes flying overhead, birds and countless other things through the eyes of a child who only knew how to look up and around, instead of constantly down at a tiny screen. And you know what? I'm so, so glad those are my childhood memories. - Ellen DuBois



Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!


What is the Best Age to Begin Piano Lessons?

by Ellen DuBois on 06/24/17



I've had many inquiries as to when a child can begin piano lessons. I want to give you my answer based on personal experience and what I've seen over the ten years I've been instructing piano to kids.

There will likely be different answers to this question, depending on the the piano teacher you're asking. As for me a child is typically ready to begin piano lessons by age 5 to 5 and 1/2.

Now, when I teach a five-year-old, I find they are ready to learn the basic concepts of music and of the keys, (high and low sounds and where they're found on a keyboard), note counting, finger numbers for playing songs, recognizing black key patterns of two and three keys, finding middle C and beginning to play songs on the black keys first, then the white. They also begin learning by finger number, and then by the note name and where it is on the keyboard. They are also introduced to the music staff, both bass and treble clef and finally the grand staff, (bass and treble together with the right and left hand playing/reading). Many times, I have to remind them which hand is right and/or left. (Different color highlighters on their music helps and wearing different color bracelets on each wrist helps, too.) Keeping their attention can be a bit of a challenge. Keep in mind, kids are all unique, just like us grown ups. My piano students all learn differently and at their own pace. They have good days and not-so-good days. I gladly adjust and adapt to my student's individual needs. In short, a child who is in kindergarten can certainly start learning how to play the piano, it's just flows better once they're able to read.

What's the big deal about reading and music lessons? A big, and I mean BIG change happens once a child learns to read. Even if it's somewhat limited, I've seen the way my students process learning change...as if a light switch has been turned on. It's magical! When a student learns to read, they actively participate in reading out of their music lesson books, most of which have fun stories and cartoon characters that go along with each piece. Reading reinforces what my students are learning, especially when they read what's in their music book aloud. They have fun doing this and I love when that "light bulb" moment happens! A deeper understanding of the principles of music begins to take shape. I've found a new level of excitement and understanding in my students about reading music and playing the piano when they can read. That's typically around the age of 6 and in most cases, first grade.

The difference: Teaching a child who is not yet reading is much more visual. I tend to demonstrate more on the keyboard and off of it. I sometimes turn to things like musical flashcards & games when I need to change it up to keep my student's attention. I also use their music theory books, having them fill in note counts, letters, etc. They enjoy tapping out rhythms, singing, naming the notes, going over finger numbers, I love developing fun ways to enrich their experience while teaching music.

When a piano student knows how to read, I often have them read what's in the lesson book out loud . They love this and I'm right by their side to help them with any words they don't know yet. As a matter of fact, many of my young students read ahead in their books so when we turn the page, they surprise me with what they've already read! I always show them how excited I am about this and their ambition to push forward both amazes and inspires me!

Summing it up: Your child is old enough to begin piano lessons by the age of 5-5 1/2. If they can read, learning is accelerated because they have a better understanding of what's being taught in their lesson book.


Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. She's been published by Blue Mountain Arts, and is a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, she's known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
and loves it.


Signs From the Angels In A Card From Ma

by Ellen DuBois on 06/22/17



This morning I was taking some better pictures of the necklace I hand stamped with "Mom", 1937-2015, for my Etsy listing. Although the necklace is for me, I have it in my Etsy shop as an example of what I can make for others. I moved on to cleaning out my office because it's being painted on Monday. I found a couple of things still under the bed. I reached into a bag filled with papers and cards. The very first thing I pulled out was this card. The moment I saw the very familiar writing on the envelope, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I held the card close to my heart before opening it. As I read it, the tears fell. Part grief, part gratitude. What else can I say? It was such a clear sign she is near, as are the angels.

Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. She's been published by Blue Mountain Arts, and is a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, she's known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
and loves it.


#signsfromtheangels #amwriting #blogging #grief #missyoumom #angels #heaven

Fairy Lights and Flowers

by Ellen DuBois on 06/21/17



Fairy lights and flowers. I was tired of seeing my flower boxes empty. So, even though it's been a long day, I'm glad I stopped to pick up some flowers on my way home. I could add more, but in a way I love the simplicity of it.

Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. She's been published by Blue Mountain Arts, and is a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, she's known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
and loves it.


#simplicity #amwriting #blogging #love

In The End, It Comes Down To...Love #grief #amwriting #blogging #love

by Ellen DuBois on 06/05/17



You know those moments when you come across a picture and it completely tears at your heart? Yeah. Just happened. But, faith gets you through it. Love pushes you forward, keeps you connected and dries the tears. The belief in a life so beautiful after this one cushions the ache of missing someone so much it physically hurts. Finally, the importance of treasuring every moment you have with your family- every, single one, is fully awakened. Do it for you. Do it for God. Do it because you may regret it if you don't. I loved my mother so much and miss her equally as much. Thank God she knew how much she was loved by my whole family. And we knew she loved us. In the end, it all comes down to... LOVE.

Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. She's been published by Blue Mountain Arts, and is a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, she's known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
and loves it.


#grief #amwriting #blogging #love

Senseless Killings by Monsters has GOT to Stop. Attack at Ariana Grande Concert in UK

by Ellen DuBois on 05/22/17

My condolences, thoughts and prayers to those hurt and killed in England at the Manchester Arena. 19 souls were lost. 50 are hurt. Many children were there with their families. Dear God. This act of what is believed to be cold blooded terrorism happened at an Ariana Grande concert in the UK. I pray for all those affected by this horrible attack. I pray for the whole world. These senseless killings by monsters has GOT to stop. Dear God help us. May we gather our strength and light from you to overpower the evil of terrorism.

Ellen M. DuBois

Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. She's also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and is a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, She's also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond.

Mother's Day: A Note To all those Dads Out There Who Are Widowers

by Ellen DuBois on 05/14/17



Just a note.

To all those Dads out there who are widowers: I am so sorry for your loss. I know Mother's Day wasn't easy for you, either. I was with my dad today and he's got three daughters who love him very much. I watched him play the same organ in the same church his wife played in for over 25 years because it means so much to him that he continue carrying the torch...for her. I saw his fingers touch the same keys his wife, his best friend for over 54 years did.

My mother was his greatest love, the mother of his children and partner on this journey called life.

He sees us missing our mother and we see him missing his wife. We all try to be strong for each other. We treasure our memories of her and take comfort in every second we are blessed to still have each other on this earth.

We do the best we can.

I know my father felt both gratitude and heartache on this Mother's Day. So, to all fathers out there who are missing the special woman you loved and the one your children called "Mom", my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Ellen DuBois

Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. She's been published by Blue Mountain Arts, and is a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, she's known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
and loves it.

#bereavedmothersday Bereaved Mothers, You are Remembered

by Ellen DuBois on 05/07/17



#bereavedmothersday from my heart to yours. Love and God Bless you, Ellen

Ellen DuBois is the host of Miscarriagehelp.com, a miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.


Ellen DuBois is the host of Host of MiscarriageHelp.com, Creator of Hope Angel Bracelets and Piano teacher/Proprietor at Rhapsody Music Lessons in Easton, Massachusetts.



This is a wonderful CD. It is by Al and Marlane DuBois, (my parents). If you love piano music, both original pieces and those you already know and love, you will enjoy "It's About Piano, It's About Time! . Listen to the samples. This makes a great gift for anyone who loves quality, beautiful piano music. Perfect for adding ambiance to dinner parties and more. Some of the pieces are perfect for meditation, too.




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