The Positive Light, Ellen M. DuBois

The Positive Light, Ellen M. DuBois

A Short Tale of Two Hummingbirds

by Ellen DuBois on 07/20/16



I now have two little hummingbirds visiting me. The first, who I named "Little Friend", is beautiful and has much less color than my new guest, "Little Red". I thought there'd be trouble when I saw Little Friend dive bomb Little Red out of the air and away from the feeder- right in front of me! You could hear the "thud" and I was shocked! I prayed neither one was hurt. However, they now seem to coexist, each taking separate turns at the feeder. Hopefully, they will make amends and both enjoy a sweet drink at the same time. My BFF told me the one with the vibrant, red color around his neck is the male. Love them both and they make me smile.

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Rant: I think that there are millions and millions of us who get along.

by Ellen DuBois on 07/17/16



"I never thought of myself or the people I interact with on a daily basis, whether they're people I'm meeting for the first time or whether they're people I know- if our skin colors are different, it's not anything I'm consciously aware of.

I guess I'm aware of it right now, as I sit here talking to you, because of everything that is being literally, jammed down my throat on the news.

I know there are some awful, tragic stories that do need to be told. But, I'm here to tell you that every day there are positive, wonderful, perfectly natural, great stories to be told- that need to be told, that need to be shared because if people don't start sharing the good things, (and you might not have even thought of them as being particularly good, because they're normal to you, right)... Like myself, this whole day today, so far, in terms of interacting with all different people - seeing right beyond skin color. It's another human being we're talking about here. They're looking at me as another human being- at least that's what's reflected in their actions towards me and in their attitude towards me and mine towards them.

If we don't start talking about this part of the world, of society, this acceptance that so many of us have, we're going to lose perspective.

You know, a few years ago, I wouldn't have thought to sit here in my car after leaving Macy's and even talk about this. It wouldn't have entered my mind because I didn't feel like it had to. It was not part of my consciousness- it didn't need to be.

Now, all of a sudden I'm sitting here and it's part of my narrative. This observation I made about, "Wow. I'm not having any struggles or difficulties and I feel terrible for the people who are but...

I think that there are millions and millions of us who get along. We do. We're different. We have different skin colors, different beliefs and diverse cultures and everything...but we get along and we always have.

So, I'm here to represent those of you, who like me, who weren't looking at people and going "Oh, wow...that person's black or I'm white or they're Asian or they're Indian or...whatever. You were just going along living your life and it didn't enter your mind because you accept everybody for who they are no matter what their color and they accept you.

And I just feel the need to say it's still happening in the United States of America. There are still millions of us who drive to the mall or wherever we're going and don't even give a thought to color. We all get along. We all go home, continue on with our day. We wake up the next day-  and do it all over again.

So, I guess that's my rant. Thanks for listening. God Bless America."


Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Pets. The Best "Anti-Stress" Medicine Going

by Ellen DuBois on 07/15/16

(This is a repost.)



"The best anti-stress, anti-anxiety-make-you-smile-medicine...ever."- Ellen & Cooper the Rescue Dog.



Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Welcome to The Positive Light

by Ellen DuBois on 07/11/16



I have this saying right above my computer. It helps!



 

Hello and welcome to The Positive Light!

Well, it's time for a blog overhaul and this is it.

I was talking to my friend today and we discussed how scary and overwhelming the news is. It's become easy to fall victim to the negativity, (a word you won't find me using much here), because we're surrounded by it.

After we hung up, I started thinking. I've always wanted to create a paper filled with good news, i.e., inspiring human interest stories, blurbs that make you smile, an amazing tale about a pet, (pardone the pun), and so much more! We are surround by good news and people, places and things that are wonderful.

Trouble is, we don't hear enough about them- especially now. And you know what? Now's when we need it most.

So, along with my blog getting a new name and feel, I also created an online newspaper called, you guessed it, The Positive Light. Here's my note from the editor, (yours truly):

"We are barraged with negative headlines via the Internet, TV, newpapers, radio and just about any other medium you can think of. There is so much good in the world! Yes, there is great news, inspiring stories and ordinary people doing extraordinary things all around us. You may be shaking your head in disagreement. Maybe you want to believe me but are struggling with it. That's because we're all surrounded by what the media brings to light- and The Positive Light is one small way to change what you read, see and subsequently feel for the better. I hope you enjoy reading The Positive Light. I invite you to allow it to balance out the scales of what you see, hear, read and feel- maybe even restore some of your faith in humanity. We're worth it. - Ellen M. DuBois"

Sound good? If it does, I invite you to subscribe (for free) to The Positive Light.

Let's spread some positive vibes and create some balance!

Peace, and thanks for stopping by- Ellen

Oh, and remember, "Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway."

Click here to subscribe to The Positive Light

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Explore Your DNA Today

by Ellen DuBois on 07/10/16



Over one million people are experiencing their genetics with 23andMe. Now it's your turn. Get a DNA kit today.

I've seen the TV commercials for 23andme and have to admit, they've got me curious about my DNA.

Wouldn't it be fun to know your ancestry? Imagine the things you'd discover about yourself! Wouldn't it be helpful to find out if you're a carrier of a specific genetic condition- especially if you're thinking about starting a family? The wellness reports help you make more informed decisions about your diet and exercise while the traits reports give you a better understanding of what makes you...YOU! Explore what makes you unique- from what foods you like to your physical features.

It's pretty exciting. If finding out what your DNA says about you, click on the link below:

Get detailed DNA reports for insights into your health, traits and ancestry. Understand your genetics. Explore your DNA today at 23andMe.com.

Closure or "Necessary Acceptance"?

by Ellen DuBois on 07/03/16



My father and I were taking last week and he told me about a radio show he listened to on WBUR, (out of Boston). He didn't remember the guest doctor's name, but I believe she was a doctor and grief counselor. (I couldn't find the show on BUR to listen to it myself, but I'd like to.)

Given that my father lost his wife and best friend of 54 years about a year and a half ago, I'm sure the show resonated with him. He said as much. It would have with me, too. My father's wife and best friend was also my mother and quite honestly, I'm still adjusting to a world where the sand feels like it's constantly shifting beneath my feet.

I felt the very same way after I miscarried and it lasted for years.

A few minutes into our conversation he brought up what he thought was a very interesting point the doctor made. It was about closure and how it was a word she (the doctor/guest) wished she could strike from the dictionary.

At first, I was a little surprised. Not shocked, but surprised.

Many of the women who make comments or write to me on miscarriagehelp.com long for closure. I felt the same way after my miscarriage.

After listening to my father expound on what he derived from the show, I thought about it some more.

I'm still thinking about it. Everything I've ever thought about closure and how it applies to grief has been rocked, if you will.

So many of us look for closure. It's something we feel will help us as we grieve. The thing is, is there really any closure when you lose someone you love?

Could we be chasing an elusive butterfly?

I thought closure was so important after I miscarried because I didn't have any. I've also said to many of my visitors at miscarriagehelp.com: If you knew why you miscarried, would you feel any better? Would it change anything? I know it wouldn't have for me. In other words, knowing the "why" wouldn't have brought back the baby I lost or lessened the pain I felt. It was palpable. 

If my mother's wake and funeral were considered "closure" it didn't lessen the pain. It didn't help me cope with losing her. I don't miss her any less nor do any other members of my family. Did my mother's wake and funeral provide any "closure" for me? No. It was a way to say goodbye. It was out of love and respect for my mother's life that we had these things. It was a way for family and friends to gather, offer support, show love.

None of us wanted to say goodbye. We were blessed to have people there to help us through the most painful experience we, as a family and as individuals, were experiencing.

I never got the chance to formally say goodbye, surrounded by family and friends, after I miscarried at four months. I longed for the "closure" I thought a proper burial or some sort of ceremony would bring.

I thought it would help, this thing called "closure". But, a year plus after losing my mother, I see the world differently.  No wake or funeral brought me closure. It was a respectful way to honor a life very well lived, surrounded by family and friends who cared about us and my mother.

I believe the doctor my father listened to said, (with regard to closure), ...people are looking for something that simply isn't there.

I'm paraphrasing...but could that be true?

I'm acutely aware that grief is grief and it hurts. No amount of closure can change that. I wasn't looking for closure when my mother died. I went through the motions of a wake and funeral with the rest of my family, somewhat numb to everything as a sort of protection mechanism.

When someone you love dies, be it your mother, a friend, a spouse, the baby you loved and lost to miscarriage, you grieve, hurt and try to get through each day. We trudge through the muck and each of us does the best we can. Some days are easier than others. There are moments we feel we've conquered or overcome the worst of it, only to find ourselves feeling like we've taken three steps back on a bad day.

I don't think any amount of "closure" can help with that.

Again, I didn't have any closure when I lost my baby to miscarriage all those years ago. When my mother passed away a year and a half ago, the wake and funeral didn't feel like closure to me. My faith carried me, often times being the only light I could see. My faith still carries me.

While I think having a funeral or a celebration of life gives us a way to honor the one we've loved, I also know there's no bandaid for grief. We have to go through it. I think it may help to have what we call "closure" (a wake and/or funeral), but it certainly does not change the way we grieve or the depths of our grief.

When it comes to grief and closure I have to ask:

Does closure really exist?

To that end all I can say is my faith carried me though the days, months and years of grieving and healing after my miscarriage and that same faith is carrying me now after the loss of my mother. Just as I learned to put one foot in front of the other while living a "new normal" after my miscarriage, I am doing the same thing after losing my mother. 

There has been a "necessary acceptance", but I wouldn't use the word closure. That implies something is finished. I don't think love ever is.


Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Writing to Heal

by Ellen DuBois on 06/21/16



If you've recently suffered a miscarriage, you probably can't wrap your head around writing right now. I know after my miscarriage many years ago, writing was something I didn't give any thought to. I was too consumed by grief and exhausted. The days were a struggle to get through. "Pretending" to be okay when it was time to return to work left me feeling like a wet rag.

There was nothing left to put into words.

Time passed. I was functioning better, at least on the outside. Inside, well, that was a different story. I battled with feelings of jealousy over women who were pregnant. I cried when I passed the baby isle. Hearing about a friend who was pregnant felt like a knife in my gut, but I smiled and tried to celebrate their joy.

All the "trying" landed me in a place where I was so emotionally spent I didn't know who I was anymore. I guess I defined myself as the one who "tried" to get through her day. That's where all my energy went.

Until I started writing.

Although I was exhausted from trying so hard to "be normal", I had so many feelings I stuffed into the back of my mind. I didn't want to deal with them because I was afraid I'd fall apart. There were times I did, so I knew how little it took for the floodgates to burst- and that was exhausting, too.

I see now that letting it out was healthier. Keeping everything bottled up inside didn't help me. It hurt. Things got so bad I ended up with a pneumonia on the Fourth of July.

I digress. My miscarriage was in 1991. In '92 my husband and I bought our first house. By 1994, my husband and I split.

I was still grieving the loss of our baby and then the loss of my marriage. But, I worked, went to a counselor, tried to move forward while battling massive anxiety attacks...I tried. There's that word again- tried.  Life was such an effort I felt I had to write to keep my sanity.

Writing can be so freeing. I wrote songs, poems, music, and eventually I Never Held You, my book bout miscarriage, grief, healing & recovery. I actually wrote another book before that. It was fiction and it's pretty clear it was my first book. But, I got it done and published. That alone was therapeutic, (and no matter what, still an accomplishment). The story was pretty good- certainly not a masterpiece. Although it was fiction, I see how Jackie's Heart reflected my own hopes for a happy outcome despite a truckload of angst.

I am convinced writing helps heal. It helps heal yourself and may very well help someone else. Keeping everything inside is like shaking a champagne bottle- it's going to burst. Whether you write in a journal, blog, keep a notebook by the bed, record your feelings and write them down later or write what may become a book, it's all good. Releasing your feelings through writing leaves room inside to heal. You never know- the road you've walked and lessons you've learned could be the life preserver someone out there is desperately searching for.

(I'm going through this again a year and a half after losing my mother, along with a few other things I've been struggling with. I can feel myself getting closer to the words spilling out as they have before. I'll write. I'll heal.)

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

No Words

by Ellen DuBois on 06/13/16



While sitting at my computer my stomach flipped. Like a random bolt of lightening, an overwhelming urge to call my mother struck.

The reality of her being gone, at least from this world, leaves me with feelings I can't put into words. I've never been able to.

All I can tell you is that my world is different. I'll admit to you that I whisper "I love you" to my mother every night and again in the morning. It's not always a whisper. Sometimes, I just say it out loud, not caring if anyone hears me- except for her.

I will say, unapologetically, I have a small Christmas tree up for her. The lights are for her. She was a light in my life and this tree, which I now call an angel tree, is my way of coping. It's my way of saying "Your light will never stop shining, Mom".

This is how I try to deal with losing my mother. It's how I try to make getting through life without her more tolerable, doable, manageable.

My faith, family and friends make life without my mother possible. They provide me the comfort I seek. They make life without her physically here more bearable.

But, when that random bolt of lightening strikes and I catch myself reaching for the phone to call her, there are no words.

 

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Reflections: Simple

by Ellen DuBois on 06/09/16



"It's the simple things that bring the most joy."- Ellen DuBois


Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!

Reflections: Cereal

by Ellen DuBois on 06/08/16



I remember when life felt like an unopened box of cereal.

I couldn't wait to dive in and find the prize.- Ellen DuBois 2016

 

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!



Writers Store

Hi everyone! Thanks for stopping by my humble abode on the web. My name is Ellen DuBois, Author of I Never Held You, a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com and I love to blog. I am also published with Blue Mountain Arts, and a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. I'm also a piano teacher to over 30 students from 6 to tween and beyond-
and love it.


I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

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This is a wonderful CD. It is by Al and Marlane DuBois, (my parents). If you love piano music, both original pieces and those you already know and love, you will enjoy "It's About Piano, It's About Time! . Listen to the samples. This makes a great gift for anyone who loves quality, beautiful piano music. Perfect for adding ambiance to dinner parties and more. Some of the pieces are perfect for meditation, too.






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